


Star Wars: The Return of Skywalker

by szarvasoks



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/F, F/M, First Kiss, Fix-It, Gray Jedi Rey (Star Wars), Jedi Finn (Star Wars), Love at First Sight, M/M, Mild Blood, Minor Violence, Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Redeemed Ben Solo, Slow Burn, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker - Freeform, Unrequited Love, ben deals with consequences, character development for finn, sorta - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:40:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 36,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22064152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/szarvasoks/pseuds/szarvasoks
Summary: After their defeat of Palpatine and Ben's resurrection of Rey, the two race across the galaxy but must step back and figure out what their relationship will be like in this post-sith galaxy. Rey sends Ben into hiding. The outer rim planets have become bastions of crimelords and Ben's new hiding place is one of them, because of this Ben is having trouble keeping his head down during his isolation. Meanwhile, Rey grapples with her own trauma from Exogul and how she can begin to teach Finn the ways of the force. During all of this, Poe deals with survivor's guilt and trying to navigate his new role without guidance. A new danger is growing around them, born from the hole left by the Star Killer
Relationships: Jannah/Rose Tico, Kylo Ren/Rey, Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo
Comments: 17
Kudos: 48





	1. Be With Me

**Author's Note:**

> "No one is ever really gone." 
> 
> We start off when Rey and Ben face Palpatine together as the badass dyad they are.
> 
> This is a slow burner, guys. I was really unhappy with the TROS and this is my fix-it fanfic. This first chapter is long, enjoy. 
> 
> I have dyslexia so you may find some errors that Grammarly couldn't find 
> 
> All characters are owned by the Walt Disney Company and LucasFilms

Ben’s head was spinning and his limbs felt like lead. He turned his stiff neck and saw Rey still out cold. He reached slowly to her, her skin was still warm. They weren’t dead yet. The garbled voice of Palpatine echoed in his ears. He saw Rey’s eyes flutter open. She was in a similar state, she felt like stone, a part of the cold ground. Relief flooded in when she saw Ben was still alive.

He had finally mustered up the strength to get on his knees and lend his hand to Rey, though definitely weak, he pulled her up and wrapped her arm around his neck.

“What’s this? Haven’t had enough?” Palpatine cackled.  
Ben kept his eyes focused on his feet as he lifted up himself and Rey. Rey finally stood on her own. They locked arms in defiance. Palpatine roared with laughter, and the faceless audience roared in unison.  
“Stand together, die together” he became serious. Before he could electrocute them, Rey and Ben beckoned their sabers and activates them with a flash of blinding light. 

Ben saw Rey close her eyes in meditation. Whispering something unintelligible. Ben too closed his eyes and focused on their combined force signature.  
“Be with me, be with me,” she whispered. In both their minds her words started to grow with new voices that began to call out their names. Some screaming, others whispering.  
“Be with us, be with us.” 

The force tethered them where they stood. They watched as the sheer power began to terror the Emperor into nothingness. He screamed in agony and in a final blow there was a surge of energy that blew Rey and Ben onto the ground. Then came the aftershock of all the air being sucked into the void that was once Palpatine. Like a dying star, everything began to crumble and shake.  
As they fell and hit the ground, the sound of the impact was coupled with the unmistakable crack of bones. 

Then there was nothing. Just darkness. 

Ben strained to open his eyes. The sky was clear of falling ships and lightning. Just clouds now. Murky and calm. He turned over on to his side.  
“Ow.” He muttered, something was definitely broken.  
Rey was right next to him, a trickle of blood went down her cheek.

“No, no, no...” He felt her arm, no pulse, just coldness. He pulled her gently into his arms and rested her in his lap. “I’m so sorry... I’m so.” He paused. “Don’t go where I can’t follow.” His eyes threatened tears. He looked at her pale face, her wide eyes devoid of light. His stomach lurched. He’d seen many of the dead, but this was too much to bear. He squeezed her close again and darted his eyes around the devastated throne room. He mouthed help, but barely a sound came out. No one was there. They were alone. He was alone. Again. 

She’d healed him once. He didn’t deserve it, but she did. Maybe he could give it back to her. He didn’t know if he had the strength to do it. But he was willing to try even if it meant his demise. If this were to be his last living act, it would be for her. It was love. Unconditional love. He didn’t think he’d ever love something or someone in his life. Once alone, always alone, he thought. But he wasn’t alone and neither was she. In that moment, he’d gladly die to bring her back. 

He sat up straight and supported her head with one hand and rested the other on her stomach. He took a deep breath and saw a band of light, cool and reserved. His light. He breathing echoed in his mind. “Be with me.” He whispered. “Please.” He begged. He saw a flickering light begin to appear in his mind. He remained relaxed and breathed deeply as to stoke the new flame. But at that moment as the second light grew stronger, his light began to falter. “Be with me.”

For a split second, his light vanished. In his vacancy, he saw a flash of images. Him as a boy running into his father’s arms. At the age of 10, when his mother kissed his teary cheeks goodbye as Luke took his hand, he saw the burning temple, the island. He saw people, his mother, his father, Luke, another man with a scarred eye he somehow knew but couldn’t articulate. Then he saw two women, one in threadbare rags and the other in a long blue dress with flowers in her hair. He didn’t know them, but they smiled with tears in their eyes. 

As his light returned, he felt a presence with them. Not malevolent, but warm.  
“Be with me.”  
Rey gasped the air and instinctively grabbed Ben’s hand on her stomach.  
Ben released his tension and finally allowed his tears to fall.

“Ben!” She immediately locked herself around him and he slowly reciprocated. There was a silence, but really an unspoken reverence now. They both smelled of blood and mud. But none of it mattered. They were alive.  
Rey’s heart became heavy with joy, untethered from fear that held it in her throat. There had been a shift in his eyes, the same eyes she saw once before ages ago on Ahch-to. She looked briefly at his lips, split open and bleeding. Without thinking, she drew herself into him and held his face and she deeply kissed him. Ben almost pulled away, but his hand met hers and then rested on her cheek. They kissed like children who just figured out what kissing meant. Rey was the first to break away. 

“You came... I’m so glad you came...” her words were shaky. She traced the outline of his lower jaw, stopping short of the blood-covered lips. 

“We need to get out of here.” She immediately stood, in a much better state than Ben. He was woozy and it took time to get up. This time Rey wrapped his arm around her neck to keep him stable as they avoided debris. She compelled both the sabers and made a dead-end shuffle to the exit. She hoped the ship was still there.

The X-wing still stood and it was the only one that could hold them both.  
“C’mon Ben, you have to help me.”  
His head felt heavy and everything felt wilted but he followed her orders and slid into the back-facing seat.  
It had been a long time since he’d sat there. Nothing had changed. It still smelled like Luke. Warm musk. 

Rey’s still existing injuries finally caught up to her and she fell sorely into the pilot’s seat. But nothing compared to the buzzing on her lips. What had she done? What was going to happen now? She shook away these thoughts. Safely leaving the collapsing Exogul was the main priority. 

-

As they drifted in open space, Rey was left with only her questionings. Where would they go now? She knew he could not go back to Ajan. Leia wouldn’t be there anymore. No one to defend them both. No one for Ben. Just her. 

Ben has been shifting from in and out of consciousness. The healing to bring Rey back from the brink had drained him more than expected. But he woke to feel her unease.  
“Rey.”  
“I know.”  
“I know too. I can’t go with you. Not now.”  
“Right now they probably assume you’re dead. Maybe it’s better that way.”  
She grew quiet.  
Uncomfortable silence.

“You need to go into hiding.” She decided. But where? Ahch-to? Endor? Hoth? She pondered. Then a vision of a desert. Not Jakku, she wouldn’t wish that on anyone. She saw a double sunset.

“Tatooine?” He whispered.  
“It’s far.” She said. “Far enough to be undetectable.”  
“Master Luke was from there.”  
“So was Vader,” he said tepidly.  
“Not Vader, Anakin.” Rey corrected.  
“It’d be a place of reflection.” She said.  
“Yeah.”

Ben felt strange about this proposition. Reflection and meditation were probably what he needed most and at this moment he realized the quiet in his mind. No faint whispers. No screams. Only the faint hum of Rey’s mind. It was peaceful. However, he was still scared of what his mind might conjure up. 

“I’d be alone.”  
“Not forever,” Rey said. Ben almost smiled.  
“It’ll be good. I’ll be good.” His mind began to drift away and he finally couldn’t stay awake. At that moment, Rey set the course for the desert planet. 

Meanwhile on Ajan Kloss) 

The solid ground never felt so good as it did now for Finn. He wanted to bend down and appreciate the dirt and grass. To admire the blue sky. To marvel at the tiniest bugs. To feel everything around him breathing at once. 

“Finn! I was so worried!” Said a familiar voice. He saw Rose run towards him with a smile he hadn’t seen in a very long time. The crowd of people was massive but she’d locked into him and came to embrace him. Soon Jannah came to them, she warmly introduced herself to Rose. Rose’s smile began to fade. She’d been so quick to sadden since Crait. 

She resumed her typical duties on being in the background of everyone else’s lives. Finn could feel her detaching from them all and herself. He wanted to help her but he didn’t know what to say. He said nothing.  
“I’m so happy you’re alive is all.” She didn’t hug him for a second time. She began to walk away, but Finn grabbed her hand.  
“I’m really glad you’re alive too.” He said.  
She smiled. 

“BUDDY!” Poe shouted as he slid out of the X-wing cockpit.  
“Poe!” A smile spread across his face. Despite their skirmishes over the weeks, he was so happy to see Poe. He’d sensed a shift in Poe since he discovered Leia’s death and having to take her place. Maturity was beginning to grow.  
He was filled with joy and relief but something, someone, important was missing. 

“Rey,” Finn said quietly. He’d felt her falter and now he was left wondering if she was even alive. It made him sick. His friend, his teacher, maybe something more. He felt nauseated. Ever since his near-death on the Starkiller he’d begun to feel different. Everything seemed augmented and louder and clearer. Deep down he knew what this was, but he was afraid of it. 

“Hey bud, she’s alright okay. She can handle herself. She’s a good fighter.” Poe’s words did little to comfort him.  
“She must be alive, I don’t know what I’ll do if she isn’t.” His face was getting warm.  
“Rey, if you’re still out there? Please come home.” 

(Meanwhile on Tatooine)

Somehow Rey knew exactly where to land. At the far outskirts of Mos Eisley there stood a homestead. The old farm was nearly completely buried in sand, but it was still a place where time stood still. 

Ben was jostled awake by the landing on the uneven ground. His eyes adjusted to the light and he immediately recognized the round little house. The home of Owen and Beru Lars, they’d taken in Luke after the formation of the Empire, to hide them from Vader. 

Ben was first to slide out of the X-wing  
“Does it have to be here?” He pondered.  
“Yes, it’d be a place to meditate, far away.”  
Ben held his hand out to help Rey off the ship, but she ignored it.  
“I don’t want to hurt you.” She said.  
“You couldn’t do any more damage that hasn’t already been done.”

It took both of them to push in the half-buried door. Inside it was ghostly. The walls were scorched by old blaster beams, all the cluttered and broken furniture still where they’d been left, now covered in dust and cobwebs. Rey went and ran her hand on a deep scorch, her mind became flushed with screams and flashes of death and fire. She removed her hand as one would from a hot stove. 

“I felt that too.” Ben squeezed her arm.  
“This place is haunted.”  
“Something we have in common,” Ben said in reference to the home. 

They explored the rest of the property taking a mental inventory of the damage and pain. The moisture collectors still looked intact.

“I’m surprised the Jawas have completely gutted the place,” Rey said.  
“Maybe they sense the ghosts too,” Ben said.  
“I think I am meant to be here now.” He continued.  
“I think so too.” She paused. “The others are worried, I can feel them,” she said while looking at the open door. Ben didn’t stop her as she stumbled out, but he followed her. 

She stood staring at the ship, both wanting to leave but also desperate to stay. She’d been closed off until now, with her feelings for Ben. He felt this as he struggled up the hill of sand. 

“Rey, it’s okay for you to go… I know you have to and I know I can’t stop you.” His hand found hers.  
“Ben, I want to know everything. I want to know why any of this happened.” She said and turned to him. “Why?”  
“I need to figure out that for myself.” His eyes lowered.

His chest hurt, he didn’t know how to start to even explain. This place was to be his tomb, his jail, and his temple to pray. He struggled to let go of her arm. She softened and pressed herself into his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and stroked her hair, her buns threatened to fall apart. 

“Go.” He said even though it hurt. “We still have the dyad.”  
He helped hoist her into the cockpit.  
“This won’t be forever.” She assured.  
“I know. I know you.” She gave a sad smile. Everything was bittersweet.  
“Just stay out of trouble, okay?”  
“Of course, I’m dead remember?”  
Rey smiled. Ben still held her hand, he wanted nothing more than to kiss it goodbye.  
“Ben, I think your mother would want you to have this.” Rey muddled through her bag and withdrew Leia’s saber. Ben let go of her hand and gingerly took the hilt. He felt a warmth rush over him. He’d never seen his mother’s saber, she never talked about those days.  
“Thank you.”  
“Don’t use it unless you have no choice, we don’t want to draw attention to you.” She said. Ben continued to gaze at the hilt.  
“One last thing, Ben.” He looked up and the moment he did, she gave him a softer kiss than their first. It comforted him to know he didn’t dream the first one. 

“Please be safe.”  
“Goodbye, for now, Rey.”  
“Until we meet again, Ben.” Her heart hurt. Ben stood back to let her leave, it lessened the pain to remember neither of them was truly alone anymore, maybe physically, but ultimately never again. 

Rey resisted the urge to breakdown, but she thought of her vision of their shared future and she could hold herself back for the time. She had begun to stop questioning what Ben meant to her.

-  
(Back on Ajan Kloss) 

After the initial joy of reuniting friends and kin, there grew a silence. Everything became still and the air was thick as they began to count heads. Poe felt sick and guilty. This is what war is, this is what happens, he thought. But it brought him little comfort. 

As the sunset, they all lit candles and journeyed to the edge of a vast lake. They’d planned to float them across it. Poe wanted to honor Leia but her physical body had disappeared like dust in the wind. At least she was at peace. Meanwhile, Finn trailed behind the group, he cradled the tiny flame. It was for Rey, but he couldn’t admit it. She wasn’t gone, she couldn’t be. 

“I am sorry about your friend.” Jannah caught him off guard and he nearly tripped on an exposed root.  
“She’s not dead. I can feel it.” He was half lying to himself. Jannah nodded, she knew not to press him. 

They all quietly wept at the water’s edge. This was a time to mourn not figure out what to do next, but Poe couldn’t help but worry. He closely watched Finn sit by the water, he wanted to be there for him, but he couldn’t even begin to be there for himself.  
The sky became only stars. 

-

Rey had almost dozed off when the ship’s fuel gauge began a horrendous beeping.  
“No, No, No,” She hissed. She was on the verge of panic when the ship jumped out of hyperspace. Her save haven was below, Ajan-Kloss shone like a brilliant, blue marble. She tapped the gauge cover. Just enough fuel for the descent. Disaster avoided, for now. 

-

The morning was cool but humid. Finn had barely slept that night. Most of the survivors didn’t sleep either, he could hear them softly weeping all night and could feel their visceral sorrow. He hated it, but he didn’t know how to stop feeling it. 

Finn wobbled his way out of the tent into the cool, gray dawn. Willing his exhausted and sore legs just a bit further. In the middle of their encampment, there was a still-smoldering campfire. Its heavy blaze had died down to just a few glowing embers. Finn noticed he wasn’t alone. Poe sat eerily still, watching the last ashen logs turn white. His friend felt numb. Finn didn’t say anything as he came and sat next to Poe. Poe had his arms crossed, both as a defense but to also trap heat. 

“Poe…” Finn trailed off as his warm hand landed on Poe’s icy fingers. His friend was haunted, Finn could see his grief.  
“They knew the risks, Poe, you can’t blame yourself.”  
“But I led them there.” Finn could barely hear him. His voice was raspy.  
“No one blames you. I know that. I can feel that. They didn’t die in vain.”  
“But I blame myself, Finn. Yeah, yeah, the greater good and all that, but that won’t fix their families and friends who have to live with this now.” Poe threw his hands up. “I don’t know how Leia could do it all.” 

“They aren’t really gone, Poe. The force…” Finn was cut off by Poe. “Can the force bring them back and win the war?! No, it can’t!”  
Finn didn’t know what to say, he said nothing. 

“Just take care of yourself, Poe. They care about you. They all do. I do.” Finn patted Poe’s stiff shoulder. His face had softened with Finn said: “I do.” With Leia gone, Poe didn’t have any family left, and she wasn’t even blood. All he had now was Finn. 

-

As the sun took over the sky, the chill disappeared and it was once again warm and muggy. Like Poe, Finn broke off from the main group and watched some of the volunteer fighters take off for their homeworlds. Into the unknown so to speak. A cloud had been lifted from the galaxy. The air didn’t seem so heavy anymore, but Finn’s heart was heavy.  
His eyes squinted in the light where he saw a ship, but unlike the others, this one was getting bigger. He instantly recognized the X-wing. 

“Rey!” Finn, he stood up so fast he saw stars. “Guys! It’s Rey!” He shouted and started to run down from his perch. His knees nearly buckled as he sped down the hill. When he reached the bottom, BB-8 beeped in delight and followed Finn at full speed. Lando and Chewie stood from their game table and Poe finally emerged from his tent. Even Rose came from the infirmary to see the commotion. 

Rey could see all the scrabbling rebels below, she smiled, so happy to finally be home. Whatever that meant. The X-wing landed rather unceremoniously with a thud on the soil. Rey couldn’t wait to breath fresh air again. 

“Thank the Maker! Master Rey has returned from battle!” C-3PO exclaimed with R2 chiming in as well. With a pop of the ship’s cabin, the fresh, yet wet air rushed in and held Rey like a blanket. She felt Finn’s hand pull on her arm to help her out of the seat. 

“Finn.” She squeaked and fell into a warm embrace with him.  
“Rey, I thought you had died. I felt… I felt something.” Finn stammered.  
“I’m very much alive.” She said as the hopped down from the ship. The rest of the approaching rebels broke out into applause and cheers. She felt disoriented but smiled and waved for the crowd. Before she could think, Chewie came over and squeezed her tight, lifting her off the ground. He growled happily. It was an endless stream of hugs and handshakes. She felt odd in it all. 

“Friends, this is Rey!” Finn shouted when they all reached the main camp. “She is the one who destroyed the last of the Sith and ended this war!”  
The crowd cheered, Poe stood back from them.  
Rey stood in front of Finn to say, “Everyone made this victory possible. And every life lost will not be in vain. I couldn’t have done any of this without you all and my dear friends. We must mourn those who died for us.” Rey felt faint and hot. 

“I want to say, the road ahead of us is not finished. The First Order fleet may be destroyed but their tendrils have not. Like in the old days we must meet them wherever they hide, for this galaxy will not be free until we can liberate every inch of it.” Poe finally said something. “We must build the future General Leia would be proud of, who’s with me?” All the clapping made Rey want to lay down and sleep where she stood. 

When the crowd dispersed, Finn caught up to Rey, she looked like she was in a trance, staring intently at the X-wing on the hill. Her concentration was broke by Finn asking her if she wanted to eat with him. 

“I’m not really hungry,” Rey said, staring out into the thick forest.  
“Well at least sit with me, there’s so much I need to tell you and so much I want to ask you.”  
Rey wanted nothing more to tell Finn about everything. About Ben, and her parents, Palpatine, and who she really was. She shook the thought away. It would be better to wait. Suddenly, everything went black.


	2. Forgive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben trauma-bond and examine crucial points in their childhoods. Learning to forgive others and themselves.

Rey opened her eyes, rubbing them of sleep. She assumed she must’ve finally past out. But when she truly opened her eyes, she saw a vast nothingness. Endless black, not even stars in the sky. She was on something solid, but when she looked down, she saw nothing but the same blackness. 

“Hello?” Her voice echoed for ages.   
“You must be asleep.” Another voice echoed back against the tide of her voice.   
“Ben?” Rey swiftly turned around. Ben stood many feet away from her, stark and bright against the black background.   
“You must be asleep too, then?” She said as she walked towards him.   
“Or dead.” He was deadpan.   
“I’m joking.”   
“I didn’t know you told those,” Rey smirked.   
“What now?”   
“I don’t know, we must be together here for a reason.” Rey shrugged. She sat on the nothingness in a lotus position.   
“What are you doing?”   
“I’m meditating.” She closed her eyes. Ben shrugged and sat lotus across from her. 

The only sound was their breathing which became one shared breath. Rey tried to clear her mind, but the peace was being intruded by the crying of a child which morphed into a woman crying. It was herself she heard. 

“I’m still angry, but I don’t want to be.” Rey broke their concentration.   
“Why are you angry? Or are you sad?” Ben replied.   
Rey didn’t think he was listening or still even there.   
“Isn’t sadness just the root of anger?” She questioned.   
“You’re right,” Ben shrugged.

“Why would they just leave me there? With that man, that thing...” Rey whispered. “Didn’t even care?” 

“Try to remember them again, search your mind for them.” Ben’s hand reached his hand out to her. On the verge of tears, Rey took it and closed her eyes. She saw a tiny house on a wide, green meadow. The sun was setting before her eyes and it was dark. The house looked like a tiny boat of the sea. A plume of smoke came from the chimney.   
“Where is this?” Rey asked. “Why?”  
“It’s your memory.” He responded. When she heard voices her vision sped her up to the front door. She squeezed Ben’s hand. 

“Look inside.” He said. Her vision moved to the window, she felt bathed by the warm firelight. It was a small house, a great fireplace stood in the kitchen, almost no electricity. There was a woman in the cluttered kitchen hand washing dishes, and a little girl by the fire, stringing a cloth doll together. 

Rey turned and saw Ben standing with her looking inside. They both turned when they heard approaching steps behind them. They remained still as the man who approached went into the house. 

“Can they see us?” Rey whispered.   
“No, just watch,” Ben said and pointed to the window. Rey presses up against the grimy glass. The man came and hugged the woman from behind the little girl jumped from her toy and flew into his arms. 

“Papa!” The man was caught off guard and stumbled back into the woman causing her to drop a dish. The plate shattered loudly into tiny pieces. Then there was silence. The little girl may be only 4or 5 years old said, “uh-oh.” 

“Just stay there, I’ll get something to pick it up.” The man pressed the little girl into her place to keep her still. She began to sniffle.   
“My darling, it’s okay.” The woman bent down to comfort the toddler when she saw the shards of glass began to shake. Her eyes widened with horror as she watched the pieces reassemble in mid-air. 

“Rey, are you doing that?” The woman asked, her voice was shaking. The little girl didn’t answer.   
“Answer me.” The woman shook the little girl. The plate fell and shattered again, and the little Rey began to sob. 

“Shar! Please.” The woman yelled and scooped up the little girl. After hearing the commotion the man came back.   
“Shar. She has it. It.” The Woman stammered. The man looked shocked.   
“He’s gonna find her now.” The woman began to cry.   
“I’ll find a ship.” 

The vision faded away till she and Ben were sat again in the void.   
“They were afraid of me.” Rey cried, utterly defeated.   
“Probably more so of Him.” Ben hushed. “They didn’t understand.”   
“I can’t blame them, I’m afraid too.” Rey calmed down a bit.   
“You don’t have to forgive them. Just understand them.” Ben scooted closer to her.  
“I want to though.”  
“It won’t happen overnight. Trust me.” The sentence felt odd in his mouth. How could he teach her how to forgive when he couldn’t forgive himself and let go of the anger in him. He clenched his fists.   
“I think I am ready to forgive someone else.” She said, softly. Ben’s head jumped up from his lap and he stared at Rey. “I’m ready to forgive you.”   
“You don’t have to. I don’t deserve it.” His stomach felt tight with guilt.   
“I wouldn’t even be sitting here if it weren’t for you, Ben.” She said. “You’ve done terrible things to so many people… but I see the good and I see the future. I don’t have to excuse you for what you’ve done, but I understand you and I know you, and I forgive you.” 

Ben was left speechless. “Thank you.” He bowed to her.   
“But you still need to make amends with yourself, then maybe with the rest of the galaxy.” Rey reached for his hand. They were sucked into Ben’s mind and his vision. 

They walked around the corner to the galley. A young Han and Lando sat chatting unintelligibly in the background. On a blanket in the middle of the floor, a tiny boy with blocks and random mechanic parts sat, examining each item. 

Rey smiled and crouched down by the boy. He looked up and stared through her.   
“This must be you then?” Rey turned her head to Ben who was watching his father. 

“Ben! Put those down!” Rey saw Han jump out of his chair, Lando looked a bit fazed. When Rey turned back she saw, the boy had his items floating all around him. She flinched as they all fell who Han yanked the boy off the floor.

“You’re gonna hurt yourself, kid.” Han sat the silent boy between him and Lando.   
“Freaks me out when he does stuff like that. I hope he grows out of it… dang, don’t tell Leia I said that.” Han snorted. “C’mon kid, what do ya wanna be again?” Han ruffled the boys hair and tickled his tummy. A smile grew on the stoic little face as he chirped, “a pilot!”   
“See, Lando, boy after my own heart.”   
Lando laughed, “At least his face doesn’t follow after you.”   
“Watch your mouth, he may look like his momma, but he’s got my eyes.” Han pulled the boy into his lap. Both Rey and Ben felt the tension in the room. There was a truth that no one wanted to say. 

“Let’s go Ben.” Rey said, but then they were in another kitchen, this one was large and in complete disarray. All the cabinets, drawers, and appliances were open. A kettle was screeching and lights kept flickering. The floor was covered in glass. 

Across from the mess of a kitchen, there was a large sofa, in the middle a 10 year old boy sat in the middle. His fore head rested on his tucked in knees. 

Down the hall from the kitchen, there was a shouting match between a man and a woman. Ben sat next to the boy, who didn’t stir at all, and watched Rey walk down the hall to the bedroom. 

“You can’t just send him away, Leia, he’s my kid too!” Han was shouting while a younger Leia paced around.  
“How do you plan on making sure he’s safe and can control himself, if you’re never around?!” “You’re one to talk sweetheart, when’s the last time you actually spent any time here at all. Always work this, work that.” Han snapped back.   
“At least I have a real job, I pretend not to notice your comings and goings, but I know what you’re doing, old habits die hard!” Now Han was silent. 

“Leia, you know I was never cut out for this, this life.” Han said.   
“I guess I can say the same.” She adhered. “We have to do the best for him. Luke will know what to do.”   
Rey shook her head and turned back down the hall, but the hall looked like it stretched into nothingness. The end was nothing but a black mass. She heard sickly whispering, far off screams, and another hissing voice. “They’re afraid of you…” ‘You’re stronger than them.” “They should be afraid.” “You are valuable.” “They just want to use you. You are meant to be used.” “You’re worthless.” “They don’t love you… but I do…” All the various voices became one. It all made her dizzy.   
“Ben!” She yelled, but the floor gave out under her and she came crashing down to where they sat before. 

Ben looked catatonic. He didn’t react to Rey calling for him. She shook his shoulder and he finally broke out of it.   
“I’m sorry, I let that memory get away from me.” He said as she stood over him. He wrapped an arm around her waist.   
“Does it still sound like that, in there.” She rested her hand on his head.   
“No. Thanks to you… but still remember every word.” He bit into his lip.   
“Well we can heal together, we can make this work. I know you can.” Rey said.  
She looked up and saw a growing light in the sky, she squinted and her voice trailed off.

“You’re waking up, Rey.” Ben’s voice disappeared

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hated JJ’s take on Rey’s parents, so I might do a bit of retconning 
> 
> (All characters are owned by the Walt Disney Company and Lucasfilms)


	3. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn tells Rey his news. Poe begins to become more aware of his feeing for Finn as Finn pines after Rey, unaware of her budding relationship with Ben. And Ben adjusts to desert life Ben and Rey struggle with nightmares. Ben cannot easily escape demons

“... Ben?” Rey muttered. She started to sit up, her eyes barely adjusted to the bright infirmary tent light. She was covered in sweat. 

“Rey, thank goodness.” Finn scrambled to help her up. “I was starting to think you wouldn’t wake up again.” He said. 

Rey felt dehydrated and almost upset about being awake. But she couldn’t help but smile when she saw Finn by her side. As she sat up, he slid a cool glass of water into her hand. 

“You mumble a lot… and sweat a lot when you sleep. I guess I never noticed it before, but it’s easy to miss that stuff when there’s always a threat of being blown up or something.” He chuckled. Rey nodded and immediately chugged down the water. 

“How long was I asleep.” She said trying to catch her breath.  
“Almost two days… He must’ve done a number on ya.” Finn sat down next to her.  
“Yeah, probably… something like that.”  
“I think I was too excited last time we talked, I’m sorry.” Finn nudged her with his shoulder. “I want to know what happened.” He said. Rey grew quiet.

“The last time I saw you, you were fighting Ren.” “I’m sorry for throwing you, by the way. I wasn’t in my right mind then…” Rey interrupted.  
“Oh c’mon, ya know I’m tougher than that.” He laughed. She smiled, a bit relieved.  
“Since he’s not here slaughtering us all, I’m guessing ya know… finished him off… ya know…” Finn was very quiet now.  
“I didn’t. I almost did, but I didn’t” Rey said just as quietly.  
“Wait, what?”  
“He wasn’t going to kill me, but I almost killed him.” Her words felt sour. The thought of killing Ben made her stomach churn. “I stabbed him when he wasn’t looking, and then I felt Leia go. I couldn’t just let him go too.” Rey whimpered. “I was wrong to make that my choice.”  
“But Rey…”  
“I healed him like how I did with the creature on Pasaana.” Rey looked up to Finn.  
“I don’t know what to say.” He said. “Except, you are much more merciful than I would’ve been to that man.” 

She told him about her guilt and her encounter with Luke but stopped short of entering Exogul. 

“He fought Palpatine with me.” She spat out. Ben should at least die a somewhat hero for them, even if it’s just for a little while, she thought. “I wouldn’t be here if he hadn’t.” Finn didn’t say anything, still processing her words. 

“We killed him together.” She said.  
“Or he used you to kill him because he couldn’t do it alone and live to use Palpatine’s powers.” Finn finally responded roughly.  
“Finn, No. I died, I didn’t even realize it myself, but I’m sure you felt it.” Rey felt a knot in her throat. “And he brought me back.” She sniffed.

Finn instantly turned to her. “Why?”  
Rey didn’t know how to respond.  
“He’d changed Finn.”  
“Bad people don’t do that overnight,” Finn said. He was right, but Ben had always struggled to do good and bad.  
“You don’t know him like I do-did.” She shifted.  
“I know him very well, Rey,” Finn grunted as he pulled down the collar of his shirt down his back. He showed her his massive scar from the fight on Starkiller.  
“I’m sorry, Finn, you know…” Rey stopped. She didn’t want to hurt him anymore. Now she only dreaded when she would have to hurt him again.  
“I just want you to know what happened.” She sighed. “He’s gone now.” She lied.

“I believe you, Rey. It’s okay.” Finn smiled and reached to hold her fingers. “You seem to always see the best in people. You see more than what others see and that’s why you are so special to me and everyone else.”

“Rey!” Rose, who saw her sit up, came bounding over to Rey and Finn. Rose had always been kind to Rey during her training with Leia, even though there always seemed to be this sadness within her. She’d make passing comments about her sister and then she would harden and become quiet again. Rey opened her arms up for her. She smelled like sweat, but it was sweet and inviting. 

“We’ve been planning a whole feast for when you wake up.” She said.  
“We didn’t want you to miss the celebration.” Finn nudged Rey.  
“That’s so kind of you all.” Rey managed to say before her stomach finished her sentence.  
“We might need to move that feast up to now if possible,” said Finn, smiling at Rose.  
“Ohh, yeah, of course.” Rose half-smiled back before zipping out of the tent. 

“Alright, let’s get you out of here,” Finn helped Rey to her feet. “After dinner, there’s something we need to talk about,” Finn said in a lower tone. Rey nodded, feeling her stomach sink, why must people wait to tell people important things? She thought. 

-

Ben awoke as if he touched a live wire and it jolted him awake. He’d passed out in the middle of the kitchen he was trying to clean. His hand slap gripped the edge of the counter above him. Sleeping on the ground made him impossibly sore and stiff. He grunted and huffed through the pain to lift himself up. 

The kitchen he’d just dusted had a new layer of dust. How long had he been asleep? He shook his head and used the dust catching cloth, that was on its last leg, to dust the kitchen again. That’s when his stomach protested. 

It’d been a while since he’d been this hungry. He used to fast to meditate, to try and commune with who he thought was his grandfather. But this hunger hurt. Rey had left him 20 portions, but he’d run out of water rations before he’d run out of food. After eating, he’d have to figure out the abandoned moisture collectors. 

One portion. One portion would be enough for each day he thought as he prepared one of the horrible little green disks. Without realizing it until after, he’d devoured two of them. 

“Kriff.” He muttered. “Alright, 18 days before I have to find more.” He tried to remain cool about it. He had more important things to do. He longed to bathe, but for that, he’d really need to fix those collectors. Water was number one, and as he stepped into the beating heat of Tatooine’s double suns, that fact became even more apparent. 

Of course, the main components of the collectors were buried in the sand. Ben kicked the sand with a sharp growl. He almost fell on his back which made him more upset than before. And that sun, those horrible suns, it made his head hurt. 

He took a deep breath and kneeled beside the dune. He hovered his hand above the dune, just barely touching the hot sand. He closed his eyes and took another breath, his hand was then enveloped in heat. He opened his eyes and saw the entire dune was a cloud. He smirked and sent the sand flying away from the collectors. 

He went into the mostly untouched basement and rummaged up the possible tools, and he found a moth-eaten gray hooded poncho. It would have to work for now. He would have to work quickly, the sun would be setting soon and he still needed to make sure the generators would work. 

He slid down to his knees beside the collector, of course, the switches had been so badly eroded that they couldn’t even move. He crudely pulled off the cover of the control panel. It was starting to get hot under the hood, but it was better than a nasty sunburn. 

“Ben?” 

-

The setting sun turned the simmering dusk into a low warm. Rey followed Finn up to his perch where he saw her ship arrive days ago. It was beautiful up there. The long mountains developed a blanket of mist that rose as the air grew cooler. The air buzzed with little chirping bugs and fireflies made their slow waltzes in the tall grass. The outline of Ajara was just barely visible in the violet-blue sky. 

All the food Rey ate made it hard to keep up with Finn. He sprawled out on the cool dark grass and smiled at her.  
“What?” She smirked  
“Nothing, I’m just glad you’re back.” Finn brimmed.  
“What did you want to talk to me about.” Rey squatted down next to him, eventually just falling onto her back as well.  
“Rey, ever since I almost died on the Starkiller, I’ve noticed this ‘thing’ growing.” He turned to face her.  
“I think I’ve always known there was something there, but I think my brush with death made it stronger somehow.” He said.

Rey sat up and stared intently at him. He sensed her intrigue and sat up with her.  
“Rey, I want you to teach me. I want to be a Jedi. I think it’s one of the reasons I met you, the force brought us together.” He was dead serious.

Rey smiled. “I know Finn, I want to teach you everything, but I barely know where to begin or what I’d even tell you.”  
“Just tell me everything.” Finn reaches for her hand, but she pulled away before he could. 

“It’s a lot. A lot of work and a lot of baggage.” Rey said. “I just want you to know that.”  
“Rey, I won’t let you down.” Finn stood and reached his hand to pull her up.

“Okay, Finn. I will teach you.” She smiled.  
“Hey, maybe we might find others like us?” He said.  
“We will, I’m sure of it.” Rey started to follow after Finn when suddenly the air grew dry and everything became silent. 

She turned around and saw Ben crouched on the ground.  
“Ben?” She said.  
Startled he snapped backward from where he sat. 

He hissed with a sting. “Just shocked myself because of you.” He turned and gave her a dumb smirk.  
“What are you trying to do?” Rey asked. She squatted down with him.  
“I’m trying to make these moisture collectors work using these archaic tools. Ow!” He stung himself again. “And the sun is setting, which means sand people may be out.”  
“Can I help?” Rey said. “Describe them.” 

“Wrenches, snips, solder, clamps, and that’s it really. The thing has live wires but won’t boot up. Kinda need water to service in this hellhole.” He sighed.  
“Okay, just cut the wires and reattach them to the next wire over. The original ones must be fried.” She smiled and he couldn’t help but smile back. He carefully snipped each wire and began to solder the opposite wire together creating a new braid of wires. As the largest sun dipped below the horizon, the old machine roared back to life with an anticlimactic hum. 

“Thank you.” He turned to her, she sat happily in the grass. Ben held out his hand to her and she gave her hand to him, he worked up the courage to lightly kiss them goodnight. The light touch tickled her and she giggled under her breath. Even though she found herself questioning their blossoming relationship every day, this moment felt right and natural. 

“Is it night there?” He said quietly.  
“It is, probably much later than you.”  
“Well, sleep well, maybe I’ll see you there.”  
“I hope so.” She replied. 

Finn, who by now was almost to camp, turned to see where Rey was, saw her still at the top of it. Her arm was outstretched and he could see some kind of outline of something in front of her. It made his heart well up a little bit. Who was she talking to? He wondered. It made him nervous. 

Poe had been watching Finn from his tent. He’d watched both him and Rey sit at the top. He felt the twinges of jealousy begin to grow. He couldn’t begin to explain why, but when he saw Finn look back to Rey, he felt it even more. He didn’t want Finn to leave with Rey if they decided to go. He couldn’t handle being alone again. 

When Rey replied to Ben, his form disappeared into the night sky.  
She was almost excited to fall asleep and dream of her new love. She caught herself thinking this. Was it love? She shook off this and headed to her cot. She did dream as soon as her head hit the pillow, but it wasn’t of Ben. 

-

She found herself back on Exogul. She was staring out into the scores of Vader cultists int the distance. She heard Palpatine say something behind her, she could smell his putrid breath, like molded standing water. She looked down and saw the blur of a saber in her hand. The blue light flickered into red, She saw by the light of the cracks on screaming electricity bolts, her friends’ bodies lying in pieces before her feet. Ben laid right below her, the wound she’d once healed before was smoldering and his eyes were frozen open. In a fit of anger, she whipped around and sliced her grandfather in half. 

Rey awoke in a cold sweat and began to cry. No one there to comfort her. 

-

Ben too dreamt that night, he decided to forgo fixing the generator and instead curled up on what used to be Luke’s bed. He had to throw out the thin moth infested mattress, so instead he lay on the stone shelf it once rested on.

After tossing and turning he fell into a dream. He stood on the bridge in the Starkiller base. When his eyes adjusted to the dark red light, he saw his father talking to a figure further up. The figure was him, and it looked up and saw Ben staring in shock. Kylo ignited the saber and came charging at Ben, stopping just short.  
“I have to do this, but I don’t know if I have the strength to do it,” Kylo said, his voice wobbled. Han just stood watching.  
“Don’t,” whispered Ben, but it was too late and he felt the unstable red saber rip through him. He fell backward into the pit below and woke up on the stone shelf. He felt sick and rolled off it and couldn’t help but vomit. All that came was stinging bile. His eyes welled with tears. This would be a guilty anguish he could not escape.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise something more juicy will happen soon.
> 
> All characters are owned by the Walt Disney Company and Lucasfilms


	4. Ghosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey struggled to remain balanced as she's haunted by nightmares. Ben is tormented by his mind but is visited by an old face who helps him forgive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is more Ben centric :) Bit shorter though.

Rey could not fall back to sleep. She stayed up and sat on Finn’s perch until the sun peaked over the mountains. A ceramic cup of caf had grown cold in her hands. All the little birds began to sing and for a moment she felt fine. She threw off the course blanket she dragged up with her and went towards Finn’s tent. 

She came in quietly and watched him sleep for a moment, wondering what he may have been dreaming about. She tried to peak into his mind, but it was a blur, so she shook him awake. 

“What the heck Rey, the sun is hardly up?” He squinted up at her.   
“Well that’s why we’re up now, it’s quiet, the perfect time to meditate.” She grunted. Finn saw the red bags under her eyes and decided to just listen to what she said. 

“Wait up Rey.” He said, struggling to slip on his boots as she walked quickly out of the tent. He was meant with a humid chill when he emerged out of the tent. Perhaps the thin henley he wore and loose pants weren’t the best for early morning meditation. 

-

Rey looked over her shoulder as they hiked up further. So far than the trail turned into rocks and boulders they’d have to scale up. The higher elevation was cooler, but Finn was still sweating buckets. 

“Almost there,” Rey called back. Finn replied with a thumbs up. 

When he reached the top, Rey sat at the edge and helped him the rest of the way up. Panting hard he tried to thank her. 

“Alright, sit like this and just breathe, really focus on it. Feel the air come in and leave. Focus on your rising and falling chest.” Rey said and sat lotus next to him. She pulled down his hand to feel the dewy grass and the mud underneath. 

Finn did as he was told. He felt the warm sun on his face and he smiled. He took another breath and he could feel the little ants crawling on their hill yards away.   
“Wow. Just wow.” He said, still with his eyes shut. Rey let go of his hand and joined him in meditation. She refused to let her mind drift back to that horrid place. She felt the sun and grass with Finn, but her mind grew dark and tears began to fall. She became lost in the void. 

Her ears were filled with a sharp ringing and she heard something muffled in the back of her head. She opened her eyes and saw Finn mouthing something.

“Hey, are you okay?” Finn’s voice broke her out of her trance.   
“What? Yeah?” Her face was hot and flushed. She wiped what she thought was sweat from her cheeks.   
“You were crying. Do you wanna talk about it?” He said calmly. “I can’t promise I’ll understand, but I’ll listen.”   
“Thank you,” she sniffled. “Oh gosh, I’m…” she chuckled through tears. Disregarding what Finn had said. He decided not to say it again. 

The trip down the cliff was much easier than going up. When they reached camp, both were starving, but Rey didn’t stay to eat with the others. She simply returned to her small tent and laid down. She felt paralyzed. She curled up into a fetal position and squeezed her eyes shut.

-

(Meanwhile on Tatooine) 

Ben couldn’t help but feel a little proud when he got the ancient generator working again. All it took was some clever scrapping of abandoned droids in disrepair. The basement was full of them. 

He slapped the generator cover closed. Dusting off his hands and knees, he turned around to head back to the dugout. However, he was stopped in his tracks. His heart fell into his stomach, and his stomach somewhere further. Suddenly his mouth felt dry and his eyes were hot. Standing several feet away was Luke. 

Ben had read about the ghosts that would return with the force. He read that they would be almost translucent and void of color. But this man standing in front of him looked like any other man. It was a projection of a memory. 

“You would’ve made such a good mechanic.” The figure of Luke said. He was dressed like how he always did with Ben was a child. But he looked more weathered than before. The bottoms of his Jedi robes were caked in mud, his mechanical hand was not covered either. 

“Shut up! You’re not real.” Ben said through clenched teeth. He tried to remain calm, but his legs felt like they may give out at any second. 

“Probably better than a Jedi. You’ve proven that theory.” Luke said.   
“Get out of my way old man.” Ben hissed again, his eyes were threatening to betray him.   
“I’m not in your way, Ben. You’ve always been in your own way. Your whole life.” This Luke smirked. 

“SHUT UP!” Ben unlatched the blasted strapped to his waist.   
“Still quick to anger I see.” Luke pointed out.   
“I SAID, GET OUT OF MY WAY!” Ben’s sentence was punctuated by him blasting at the apparition. 

The figure of Luke disappeared like a faded mirage and all that was left was a smoldering burn in the sand where “it” stood. Ben fell to his knees and began pounding his fists into the sand as if he was trying to break up the grains even more. 

(Long ago on Yavin IV) 

There were about 10 sparring partners down a long line. Luke and the two oldest students weaved around each pair of students, helping them maintain form and composure. Ben was 11 or so and it was his first time sparring. He was up against another boy around his age. Luke was on the far end helping the students with the real sabers so instead, Ben was helped by an older student, Kai. 

Kai gave both the boys wooden staffs, like broom handles. Ben had yet to hit a growth spurt, so he felt small compared to the boy he was to fight. He just wanted to go home. 

“Alright, bring the two together like this…” Kai crossed their “sabers” together. “Then, Ben if you bring your arms in and hold it at an angle, you can block him from hitting your face.” Kai poked him and Ben shaped himself to his instructions. 

“Just move slowly, hopefully, you won’t have to worry about this stuff for a while.” Kai stood back and moved to help another pair. Ben and the other boy made slow and deliberate moves. It felt more like play than training so Ben felt a bit more at ease. 

“Keep practicing.” A familiar voice cooed in the back of his mind. For a moment he looked behind him at the misty woods behind him that seemed to whisper themselves. When he became distracted, he felt something jab into his ribs. He whipped back and saw the other boy smiling while repeatedly pushing the staff into Ben. 

“I win!” The boy chuckled. He had bright red hair that gleamed in the beating sun.   
“Again,” Ben said quietly. Something was bubbling up inside him.  
“Uh, what?” The boy cupped his ear at Ben.   
“I said, again!” Ben snapped. The boy straightened himself and went into their first position. Out of the corner of Ben’s eye, he saw Luke and the other older kids down at the end with the real sabers. 

This time when their sticks met it was rougher and faster. The kids next to them stopped their practice to watch Master Luke’s nephew kick some kid’s butt. 

Ben raised the staff up to make his final blow when he felt the other boy’s foot kick him roughly in the torso. For a brief moment, he felt all the air left his lungs and he fell backward into the dirt.   
...  
“Weak.”   
...  
“I win again.” The boy smirked. “I guess being related to the Master doesn’t help much? Does it Ben?” He laughed. The other children laughed with him.   
...  
“You are pathetic, but they will be nothing compared to you.”   
...  
Without much effort, Ben flew up from where he landed and his grunt turned into a roar as he hurtled towards the other boy before he could even see him coming. 

He pinned the boy down and began mindlessly punching the boy. In shock, the other children stood and watched. Ben closed his eyes to hide his tears. He heard a crack of bone before his shoulders were pulled up by Kai and Luke.   
...  
“Good.”   
...  
“ Ben! Stop!” Luke sat him on the grass away from the other boy. Ben’s eyes were blurry with tears, but he saw blood on his knuckles. Blood that probably wasn’t his.   
“Ben, what happened?” Luke tried to keep his voice calm. Ben didn’t answer, but he looked over Luke’s shoulder to see Kai helping up the other boy, who now had a broken nose.

“I leave you alone for 10 minutes and this happens?” Luke said. “Answer me.” Luke gripped his small shoulders.  
“He made me angry.”   
“Ben… we talked about this.” Luke sighed.   
...  
“He doesn’t trust you.”   
...  
-

Ben shook off his vision as just dehydration and it was just a reminder to empty the collectors. Hopefully, there’d be enough for a shower tonight. His knuckles stung with bits of sand still in the abrasions. 

Thankfully there was enough water for a quick wash. It’d been five days since his last one and he was positively ripe. 

He needed to heat it up the water. The water heater somehow still worked and he sat back in the basement listening to it hum. It was much cooler down here. The lights flickered as the generator still struggled. That was a project for another day. He closed his eyes and began to drift away, but before he could, he heard a voice.

“Hey, kid.”   
Ben’s eyes flew up and he turned to look at the voice.   
“It’s you. Really you.” Ben spat.  
“Yep,” Luke said.  
Ben studied his bluish hue and soft transparency. This was the ghost he’d read about.   
“Finally decided to show yourself, huh?” Ben sat up and crossed his arms. “Finally decided to care.” 

“Ben. I always cared.” Luke said. He kept his voice steady like he did when Ben was a child.   
“You never paid any attention, you turned a blind eye as that man, that thing, made a home in my mind.” Ben wanted to scream. He squeezed his eyes shut and turned into a board to contain his growing anger.

“I know.” Luke rested a hand on Ben’s should. It felt light, barely present. It was cold, like snow. Ben slowly opened his eyes. Luke was staring mournfully at him. 

“I’m sorry Ben.”   
Ben relaxed his arms.   
“I was screaming for help that entire time and you never looked up.” Ben’s voice cracked. “You were barely my family then, more a strict teacher than my mother’s trusted brother. No longer an uncle who cared.” His eyes were beginning to well up. 

Luke nodded in response. “I failed you.”   
Ben wanted to forgive him, but he felt like there was this barrier around his heart. 

“He wanted to be between us,” Ben whispered. Ben reached up and held Luke’s arm that was resting on his shoulder.   
“I didn’t kill them.” He said, his voice now crumbling.   
“I know that now.” Luke rested his free hand on top of Ben’s hand that held his arm.   
“I’m sorry.” Ben cracked, he began to fall forward and pressed his face against Luke’s chest. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” He’d begun to cry against Luke. 

Luke wrapped his arms around his nephew. He lightly kissed the top of his he’d. Luke no longer felt cold to Ben, he became just as warm as he was. Ben sobbed muffled apologies. 

“Ben, Ben, it’s okay…” Luke lifted him up by his shoulders. “It’s forgiven. There’s balance now.” Luke said. Ben’s face was bright red. “You’ve grown so much Ben. I’m sorry that I couldn’t be the one who helped you do that.” 

Ben bit down on his cheek. The barrier had melted. “Uncle…”   
“Everyone loses their way at times. Hell, I did. I let our family’s legacy go to my head. I became oblivious. Oblivious to my living family.” Luke chortled. “But Ben, you’re free now. You don’t have to prove yourself to anyone. You don’t have to fulfill anyone’s legacy. You’re your own person.” 

“I want to prove myself to her,” Ben said as he wiped his face with his sleeve.  
“Besides her.” Luke chuckled. “You will. Your strong.”  
“We’ll always watch over you,” Luke assured him.   
“Uncle, is she there? Lei… mom?” Ben’s voice cracked again, but he quickly cleared his throat.   
Luke nodded and smiled. “See you around, kid.” Luke got up and disappeared. 

Ben smiled through tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is canon that Luke did not pay attention when Snoke was literally conversing with Ben as a child. He also knew Ben was being followed by a shadow, but he didn't do anything. Luke was caught up in being "the last Jedi"


	5. Peace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn is growing restless with his training with Rey. He wants to move forward, but Rey is unsure of her ability to teach him as she fights her own demons. When she sleeps she only has nightmares. Ben has begun his journey to Mos Eisley for supplies when he meets a figure from his past among the dunes after which he's able to help Rey. And Poe has finally admitted his attraction to Finn to himself, however, Finn is too distracted to notice. Poe feels like everything is falling apart as his best friend and maybe someday a lover pulls away from him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading so far, I'm having fun writing this. The rest of the story is planned out I just have to connect the dots. And I would like to announce there will be part two for this series. Part two will feature FinnPoe more heavily, because this current fic is more Reylo centric. (Everyone will get a happy ending) Stay tuned for more updates! 1/21/20
> 
> Please leave a comment and a kudos! 
> 
> All characters are owned by The Walt Disney Company and Lucasfilms.

Ben was down to one portion left. He would have to use it for the trek to Mos Eisley. He packed the biggest canteen of water and stowed the portion within a canvas knapsack. He was in good spirits despite the starvation. He’d lost almost 5 pounds in the last 20 days. Constantly moving sand and repairing everything with only one portion or less a day. 

The suns were high in the sky and the heat of the day was just around the corner. He pulled the hood of the gray linen poncho over his dark hair which burnt in the heat. He’d clipped eye protection goggles around his neck in case of dust storms, and devised straps to keep his boots and pants together to keep out sand. He was still wearing what he had on Exogul, so the back fabric felt like it was searing into his skin. He’d have to find better clothes. 

There was a blaster clipped to his belt but he held his mother’s saber in his hand, debating on whether to take it too. He shook his head and buried it into his cloak. He didn’t want some Jawa to find it here and sear its face in half. Although that would be funny, he thought.

He started to trudge through the sand. He used the ancient rangefinder he found to set his path. It was a 50-kilometer trek to the spaceport. He would have to stop halfway at about sunset, best not to move around at night and draw the attention of sand people.

He put his hand above his eyes and looked up at the double suns. This would be a very long journey. 

-

(Meanwhile on Ajan Kloss) 

Finn and Rey sat lotus on top of the mountain like before. It was a time of serenity for Rey. She’d been plagued by nonstop nightmares for weeks. She hadn’t seen Ben in her dreams and it worried her, but she let it all go as she sat meditating on the mountain. 

Finn, on the other hand, was growing restless. All they’d done for weeks was meditation. He began to feel irritated. He opened one eye and leaned forward to look at Rey. She was as still as a statue, he barely saw her breathing. 

“Rey, hey, Rey.” He was quiet.   
“Hmm,” Rey’s forehead furrowed. “Yes?” She said.   
“Um, it’s not that I don’t think meditation is important or whatever, but I’m wondering when I get to start moving stuff? Or using that hypnosis thingy? Or better yet, lightsabers?!” He exclaimed. 

Rey opened her eyes now, her expression was still furrowed. 

“Finn, that’s not what this is all about, Master Luke…” “Yeah, yeah, Master Luke said so, so it must be true.” Finn interrupted her. “I’m sorry.” He melted. 

“Finn, I know this can be hard, but this is very helpful. You can unlock secrets from our predecessors.”   
Finn still looked sad. Rey sighed.

“Okay, okay… we can try moving some things.” She smiled. “I’m sorry, I’m still figuring this out too.”

-

As they reached the bottom, Poe came running up breathlessly. 

“Finn, we just got a distress call from Nevarro, something about an active Star Destroyer. I’m gonna need your help on this one… buddy.” Poe tried to catch his breath, he grabbed Finn’s shoulder as support. He’d lost weight since Exogul and his eyes developed dark bags. Finn worried about him. 

“Uh, yeah. Of course, I’ll meet you at the command station.” Finn reaches for Poe’s hand that was still on his shoulder despite Poe being able to breathe normally. 

“Oh, sorry.” Poe quickly pulled his hand away. The hand disappeared behind his neck. He rubbed it awkwardly, staring at the ground.   
“I’ll see ya there.” He said, he turned on his heels to go back to camp. 

“When are you gonna tell him?” Rey said quietly.   
“I don’t know, I guess when he seems more like himself again.” Finn shrugged.  
“He’ll understand.”   
“I know, but I feel like he needs me, but I’m just not cut out to be a general or whatever.” Finn kicked a rock in front of them. He was sweating more now than he was earlier. His heartbeat was faster too. As he sprinted towards the base, Rey felt a creeping loneliness.

-

“So the distress call came from here, just outside of Nevarro.” Finn pointed to the screen. “The signal then cut out here.” He pointed a little to the left. “Is that right Connix?” 

“Yes, sir.” She replied.  
“Who was the signal from?” Finn caught up.   
“It was from a freighter that was carrying food supplies to an outpost on the planet,” Poe said.   
“They said they were being pulled in by the Star Destroyer,” Connix added.   
“What would a rogue First Order Destroyer want with a food freighter?” Finn questioned.  
“Maybe their running low on supplies.” Poe grabbed his chin, staring intently at the screen.

“Not likely, those ships have huge food reserves,” Finn said. He pressed on the Destroyer icon and it brought up the schematics of the ship.   
“Although, it is under a code.” Finn pointed at the display.  
“Could be an abandoned ship taken over by a new crew,” Poe said. Finn nodded. 

“Well… we should send a small squad to deliver food to the planet’s spaceport.” Finn patted Poe’s back. “That’s my input, so if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to my training.” Finn felt awkward leaving but he was tired of all this. 

Poe didn’t know what to feel. The pat on his back made him shudder. He ordered Connix to assemble a small team with some rations. He suddenly felt fatigued as he went back to working on his X-wing. He could barely keep his eyes open.

-

BB-8, followed by D-O came barreling into the hanger. He squealed as he rolled up to his master. It broke Poe out of his trance. 

“What’s up BeeBee,” He rolled out from under the wing.   
“He… he wants to know if, if, you’re o-okay.” D-O stuttered.   
“Of course, bud.” Poe patted BB-8. He chirped in response. It just made Poe laugh. BB-8 always had a way with words. 

Poe looked out to the outside of the hanger. He saw Finn and Rey hiking into the valley, to do who knows what. He stared for an uncomfortable amount of time. 

“General!” Lando sauntered up to him. Lando had planned to leave weeks ago, but Chewie convinced him to stay and help with repairing the Falcon. 

“I’m worried about you, my friend.” Lando held Poe’s shoulder. He followed Poe’s eyes to the valley, just barely making out Finn and Rey. 

“Ay, which one?”  
“I’m sorry?” Poe was surprised.  
“Rey or him?” Lando pointed.  
“Oh…” Poe paused. “Him…” He’d barely admitted this to himself. It made his stomach hurt.  
“You’ll figure it out, you’re young and no one said any of this is easy.” Lando’s smile was infectious and it made Poe feel a small glimmer of hope.

-

(Meanwhile on Tatooine)

Ben was half-way out of water as the last bit of sun disappeared from the horizon. It would get cold later in the night but he was wary of starting a campfire. The still hot sand would have to work for now. He pulled out the rangefinder, he could just barely see the lights of Mos Eisley.

He sighed and wrapped himself tighter in the cloak. He used as little water as possible to rehydrate the half portion he brought with him. It was much drier than usual but he devoured it instantly. 

Now he was all alone with his thoughts again. It was strange hearing just his own voice now. His eyes began to grow heavy and he curled up into a ball, making sure he was wearing the hood to keep his face out of the sand. He drifted away. 

-

He dreamt he was still on Exogul. He was holding Rey’s lifeless body again. But this time he couldn’t revive her and she faded away in his arms. 

“Ben… Ben.” A voice whispered through his dream. 

-

He opened his eyes, slowly at first, but then they grew wide. His mother, all ghostly blue, was crouched above him. He wanted to cry or scream but he was frozen. He hadn’t actually seen his mother in over five years. She looked tired, but warm, despite the hand on his cheek feeling so cold.

“Mom…” He finally uttered.   
“Hello, my sweet boy.” She smiled. Ben felt undeserving of his old pet name.   
“Why are you here? I mean… I’m so glad you are, but…” he started to sit up and became acutely aware of how cold the night had become. 

“Just wanted to see you again.” She replied. “I’ve missed you since the day you left, since the day I left you with Luke.” Her hand drifted down and squeezed his upper arm. He wasn’t quite sure if he was still dreaming. 

“I’m the one who’s sorry.” He fell silent. “Because… of dad.” He paused, ready for whatever response she had, bad or worse. “Because of everything I let happen.”  
“I can’t pretend it was okay, or that I’m okay, with what happened to your father. But you are my son and I will love you no matter what. That’s what moms do.” Her smile eased him. “You were the light of our lives, and I’m so happy you found a way back to it, the light. The past is the past for a reason.” 

“I’m sorry mom.”   
“There’s nothing that can be done now. Nothing can be easily undone. But I forgive you.”   
“I don’t deserve this.” He said and looked down at the sand.   
“Maybe not, but you can only move forward. You can do everything right this time. Do it for her.” Leia tilted his chin up.

“I don’t deserve her.” He shook his head.  
“Well become what she deserves,” Leia said.   
“Mom…”  
“Hmm?”  
“Thank you.”  
“You’re alright sweet boy, now just get off this dump of a planet as fast as you can.” She started to chuckle.   
“Not everyone is as forgiving as a mother.”   
“Well they don’t have to be, show them.” Leia’s voice turned into an echo as she left. 

-

(Meanwhile on Ajan Kloss) 

When Finn and Rey walked back to camp, Jannah waited for them at the base of the hill. She’d been coming and going the last few weeks. Finn was happy to see her again, especially after having a rough time trying to move a kriffing rock. Nonetheless, he was feeling deflated and Rey’s head was elsewhere. 

“Finn, I want to talk to you about something important,” Jannah said. As they reached her, Rey bolted to the left leaving Finn with Jannah. Finn was a little miffed at her anyways. 

“Finn, I want you to come with us, with me, to find more like us. There are swaths of unemployed troopers out there, we need to reach them before someone else does. Your story can be an inspiration.”   
“Jannah… I’d love to…”   
“It’s okay, think about it though. I know you have other stuff on your plate.” Jannah abruptly hugged him.

He wanted to go with her, but he wanted to see where his training would go, but he could barely move a rock. 

-

Rey stormed past her tent and into the woods. She withdrew her saber. She stared at the blue light until it hurt her eyes. Her knuckles grew white as her grip on the hilt tightened. She began to grumble which turned into a growl. She screamed as she tore into the moss-covered trees. 

Her mind was killing her and she couldn’t tell anyone. She couldn’t even connect to Ben and it drove her mad. 

“Please… please be with me.” She said panting. She fell to her knees in exhaustion. She passed out among the ferns and dew-covered grass. A combination of hunger and lack of adequate sleep. 

The sky went from orange to lavender then to a royal purple dotted with distant stars.

(Meanwhile on Tatooine)

Ben got an early start to his day. He couldn’t sleep after convening with his mother, so he began to trek the dunes as the morning sun peeked over the horizon. As he made it over a large dune, he saw a mass lying in the sand. He squinted in the low light. It was Rey, curled into a ball, fast asleep. 

He skidded down the dune and slid to his knees beside her in silence. He didn’t want to wake her, no matter how much he wanted to talk to her. To tell her about Luke and his mother. But he let her sleep.

As he watched her, he could see the faint outlines on fireflies buzzing above her. She was asleep outside. What was she doing out there? What was she thinking about? He went to stroke her forehead and hair, but he found it cold and broken with sweat. Nightmares. He stroked her anyways. 

He held his hand down on her temple and closed his eyes. His breathing slowed to her’s, till two breaths were one. 

He expected to see Exogul or Palpatine, but instead, he saw the cave on Ahch-to. With faint flashes of the island in a violent storm. The lightning hit the rocks and caused them to fall into the blackened sea and gray whitecaps. 

He then saw her standing in the cave again as it began to flood, she touched the mirror-like wall as the water rose up to her waist. The wall itself merely grew into a black void. 

He heard a little girl screaming, he searched for her, wading in the deepening water. He found her tugging on Rey’s arm. 

“Come back!” The little girl pleaded before the water rushed over her head. 

Ben pulled his hand away, shaken by what he saw. He closed his eyes again and returned to her head, resting his hand across the side of her face. He saw nothing but the black void. He focused hard on her mind. He thought of sunshine coming through the trees on Endor and he saw a dim light growing in her mind. He saw a warm campfire and felt the dull heat. He smiled as he poured the visions of little nesting birds and porges into her mind. The calming seas of Chandrila and the sun-soaked countrysides on Naboo. The sweat on her forehead began to dissipate. 

He kept his hand there until her dreams moved on their own. He bent slowly down and kissed her warm temple as she faded from view. He watched the sunrise and felt a brief peace.


	6. Stone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben can no longer avoid Mos Eisley. When he gets there he finds that corruption has returned to the outpost. He meets a particular family that needs him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a solo Ben Solo chapter lol. I took inspiration from the “Zuko Alone” episode of ATLA.
> 
> Please leave a comment and a kudos :)

Mos Eisley was far more depressing than Ben had imagined. The buildings were scarred with sand erosion. The ground path leading in was stained with something unsavory. Something brown trickled down the streets and everything smelled like burnt garbage and rotting food. 

He made his way into the crowded center where vendors laid out their supplies and food. He wondered past rotting fruit and charred meats where the creatures it was made from sat in cages, cowering. Maybe he shouldn’t eat meat… you shouldn’t consume suffering he thought. 

He kept moving not finding anything of worth. He stopped by one stall that sold lighter clothes. Pricey but he needed it. 

“30 credits or best offer.” The vendor spat. It was an old ugnaught, his hair was thin and his skin was peeling. 

“I have that in First Order credits.”   
“Won’t work, I won’t accept that, if you haven’t noticed the first order is gone.” The ugnaught motioned to the middle of the bazaar, the heads of troopers, officers, and others, stood on long stakes.   
“I see…” Ben said. “But these will work for now.” He looked at the man in the eyes, holding his hand up. He held out the credits. The ugnaught took them.

“These will work.” The ugnaught repeated. Ben was relieved that the hypnosis worked, he hadn’t done it in forever. He felt somewhat bad, but he needed the clothes.

He saw the next stall had mounds of portions and he started at them but nearly tripped on a group of Jawas that rushed in front of him. They clamored up, grumbling obscenities at Ben as then bought every single portion.

He could feel his skin getting hot as the anger moved up from his stomach. But he took a deep breath and pushed his hand down. He packed up the cloth and continued moving.

He kept walking until he almost walked past a particular and peculiar vendor. There sat a blind woman with wrinkles and sun marks on every part of her skin. Her salt colored hair was in four braids that rested on her shoulders. All around her there was a mass of fresh fruits and vegetables and wrapped breads. He couldn’t help that his mouth was watering. It crossed his mind to just take them but he resisted. 

“You’re new here, eh?” The old woman spoke, her voice like a tingling metal.   
“Uh yeah,” Ben replied, scratching the back of his head.   
“I can tell you’re tall, longer shadow than most.” A wide smile formed across her face. “How much do you have?” She reaches out one trembling hand. It was boney and had the same withered skin. Rusty bangles she wore clattered down her skinny arm. 

“20 First Order credits.” He guided her hand to his so she could feel the money.   
“Oof, those don’t go far here, but I like the calluses on your hands. Hard worker.” She held the money but used her other hand to trace his. 

“You also sound handsome. Are you handsome?” She grinned.  
“Uhh. Subjective.” Ben murmured.   
“Well, I think a strapping young man like you deserves to eat good food. Please, take these portions and one of each vegetable and fruit, oh and that sweet bread is delicious.” She uncurled her crossed legs and stood to point out items with tremendous accuracy.

“I don’t know what to say except thank you.” He gathered each item and wrapped them in a canvas scrap.   
“It’s nothing. Just work for someone who doesn’t pay in FO credits.” She chuckled.   
“Deal.” He said. She stopped laughing and sat down suddenly, looking at the ground. 

“Citizen, do you have the weekly protection tax?” Ben didn’t notice the small squad of stormtroopers till it was too late. The old woman didn’t reply. 

“Citizen, your safety is important to us and we need a tax to offer the service we provide.” The trooper had his hand on his blaster. Ben was taller than him and he watched the troopers every move from the corner of his eye. 

Once again, the woman said nothing and stared and the dirt. 

“Alright. This way then,” the trooper pulled out the blaster and aimed at the woman. Still no reaction, Ben knew she could sense the blaster pointed at her. 

“Don’t get involved. Don’t draw attention.” He whispered in vain. He slowly gripped the blaster barrel and forced it to lower.

“You got a problem buddy?” The trooper sounded cocky now.   
“No, do you?” Ben made himself a wall between the squad and the woman. Now he and the masked trooper were in a sort of staring competition.

“Take this instead.” Ben shoved his wrapped items into the trooper, causing him to stumble backward. 

“We’ll be back.” The trooper snapped before he waved his troops to follow him.

“I thought the First Order was gone? Why are they here?” Ben said urgently as the squad turned the narrow street corner. 

“You didn’t have to do that.” She said. “They don’t work for the First Order. Like leeches, they’ve attached themselves to the next best thing.” The old woman crossed her arms.   
“So who do they work for?”   
“Ever heard of the Hutts.”   
“Unfortunately.” Ben backed up, his dad had told him about Jabba before. 

“Well when that was our governor over there,” she pointed at the staked heads. One was still wearing an officer’s visor hat. “When he put a blaster in his mouth, or so I heard, the stormtroopers were left to work without pay so they latched onto the Hutts. Now they just collect ‘taxes.’” 

Ben stretched to look for the squad who had taken to harassing other vendors.   
“Sometimes if someone doesn’t pay up a few times, they disappear.” The old woman trembled   
“Please, stay for dinner, it’s the least I can do.”   
“I think I should go.”  
“No, for me. You deserve a hot meal. My name is Lola by the way, but everyone calls me Lo.” Her smile had returned. “Plus we could always use some help around here.” 

“I’m honored.” Ben bowed respectfully.   
“And your name?”   
“Oh. Uh, Ben. It’s Ben, sorry.” He hadn’t actually said it aloud before. 

“Well Ben, help me get this stuff inside. Leo! Come down here!” She screeched. A well-built boy, maybe 17, came out of the low door. He was about a foot shorter than Ben. He had sandy blond hair and a face speckled with sun freckles. 

“What, grandma?” He sighed.   
“Please help Ben, gather up the stall.”  
“Who?” The boy glared at him.   
“My friend, Ben. He made those troopers leave me alone and now he’s having dinner with us.” Lo used the boy’s arm to stand up, she was barely half his height. “I will start dinner.” She felt her way to the door and disappeared into the flat. 

The boy, Leo, didn’t say a word as he started to fill baskets to bring inside. Ben followed his lead and worked in silence. Sometimes it was better not to talk. 

-

The inside of the flat was small but cozy, with lots of pillows and tapestries. A round floor table was in the middle of it all. Ben had to bend down to get through the door, he was taller than most, he realized. The kitchen was adjacent to the living space. Leo zipped across the room to help his grandma carry a huge stew pot. 

“Where’s Beka? Beka! Come set the table!” Leo shorts as he set the pot on the table with a thud. 

Ben felt out of place, he wished he could shrink. Out of the corner of his eye, a small girl came bounding down the dugout stairs by the main door. She stopped suddenly in front of Ben. She had long, unkempt dark blonde hair and the same freckles as Leo. Here eyes were doughy and gray. 

“Wow, you’re tall!” She chirped. “Grandma, why is there a tall man in the living room?”  
“That’s my friend Ben, he made the stormies go away,” Lo said as she sat on the floor and scooter up to the table.   
“Oh, cool. I’m Beka,” she held out her small hand. She must’ve been 12 or so.   
“Ben,” he said as he carefully shook her hand. Her fingers barely held his hand.   
“Big hands too.” She smiled and hopped to the kitchen to set out bowls. Ben just had to smile. 

“I hope you like vegetable stew. We save the best stuff for us, the biggest Nabooan endives and roundest Endorian potatoes.” She said proudly. “And the best salt in the galaxy, from Crait of course.” She said. Ben winced. It indeed rubbed salt into the wound. 

“Please sit, Ben,” Lo said. Ben was once again surprised at her spatial sense. He sat and crossed his legs. The girl scooted closer to him, Leo glared at them both. 

“Hi,” she said, absolutely beaming.   
“Hi,” Ben chuckled.   
“Where are you from?”   
“Far away?”  
“Why are you here then?”  
“Beka, leave him alone, a man doesn’t have to tell us everything about himself,” Lo said.   
“Sorry,” Beka said in a sing-song voice.   
“It’s okay.” Ben smiled. She smiled back.   
“What’s your last name?” Beka smarted.   
“Beka!” Leo snapped.  
“Sorry…”   
“S’okay,” Ben said again.

The soup was rather salty but Ben didn’t say anything. He paced himself as he ate, he didn’t want to scarf it down. 

“May I ask a question?” Ben said.  
“Depends on the question, stranger.” Leo knitted his fingers.   
“Why is your food so much different than the others?”   
“My son and his wife get them for us,” Lo said.   
“They’re smugglers!” Beka shouted, almost proudly.   
“Beka! You can’t tell anyone that!” Leo pounded on the table.   
“He’s not gonna tell anyone!” Beka shouted, “You’re not gonna tell anyone, right?” She grabbed Ben’s sleeve whispered to him. She was staring him straight in the eyes.   
“No.”   
“He says he won’t tell anyone!” Beka shouted again. 

“But is it going to be a problem, stranger?” Leo crossed his arms and his eyes became daggers.   
“No.”  
“Is that the only word you know, stranger.” Leo pushed. 

Ben put his hands on the table, a small surrender. He felt an anger bubbling. The old voice in his head would ask why he’d let some lowlife talk to him like that. He let his breathing take over and he let the anger dissipate.

“My father was a smuggler as well,” Ben said. Leo softened and uncrossed his arms.   
“Does he know our parents?” Beka broke the silence.  
“Probably not.”  
“Why not?”  
“He’s gone now.”   
“Was he caught?”  
“Something like that.” Ben closed up again.   
“Oh. I’m sorry.”   
“Well let’s not let this soup go to waste, please, Ben, eat more. I know you are definitely hungry.” Lo said.  
That’s when Ben heard the horrible scraping on the outer walls of the flat. 

“Uh oh, big sandstorm, grandma.” Leo got up and pushed a tapestry aside to look out a tiny window. It was being pelted by sand.   
“What a shame. Once it’s subsided it’ll be too dark to travel.” Lo put her arms up for Leo to help her to her feet. 

“You will need to stay the night here, Ben.” She tapped the table with her knuckle.   
“I really should go, you’ve been too kind already.”   
“Where are you staying?” Leo said, holding Lo up.   
“The old Lars place I guess.”   
“Oh, I remember Owen and Beru. Nice folks. Any relation?” Lo squeaked   
“No… no I mean no.” Ben stuttered.  
“Such a shame what happened to em, anyways, you can stay in my son’s room.” Ben tried to speak up. “Now I insist.” Lo cut him off. 

Now only he and Beka sat at the table as Leo cleaned the kitchen and Lo sat back in the stairs to knit. 

“Do ya wanna see my books?” Beka said lowly like she was telling a secret.   
“Um, sure?” Before she heard his answer she disappeared up the stairs. Lo looked unbothered. 

She came back a plopped a small stack of books onto the table. 

“Look how pretty.” She pointed out the faded drawings of Coruscant. The book was titled, “Practical Maps of Coruscant.” It must’ve been from the old days. 

“Very colorful.”  
“I know, right?” Beka was serious.   
“I wanna build something like this, but my parents won’t help me get the parts.” She pulled out a book, “Droid Building for Beginners.” 

She had spread out all her books when Ben saw something familiar. On a large leather-bound book, he saw the symbol of the old Jedi Order in flaking gold leafing and faded blue paint. Beka saw him staring. 

“Have you ever heard of the Jedi?” She asked in a sober tone.   
“Heard of them.” He whispered.  
“Oh boy, here she goes again with that weirdo witchcraft bogus.” Leo started to wipe down the table.   
“Not true, Leo! The Jedi were brave and powerful, right Ben?” She nudged him. He didn’t say anything. 

“She’s been going on and on about the Jedi for months now. Ever since she found that book.”   
“I stole it.” Beka cupped her hand over her mouth to whisper.   
“She didn’t steal it, she tricked some Jawas into giving it to her,” Leo said.   
“Did too.” “Did not.”   
“Why did the Jawas have it?” Ben said as he carefully flipped through the pages. They were slightly brittle from the desert dryness. 

“They apparently ransacked the old Kenobi place.” Leo sat down again.   
“Ben Kenobi…” Ben whispered. His mother had named him after Kenobi.   
“Yeah, did ya know him?” Leo crosses his arms.   
“Heard of him.”   
“I knew him… the nicest man, kept to himself but he’d always stop by mine and my husband’s stall many years ago. Such a shame when he disappeared.” Lo chimed in. 

“I think he was a Jedi. Have you ever seen a Jedi?” Beka pulled the book away and flipped to a page on lightsabers. It was vague but contained a few drawings. Even some very early and primitive versions. 

“These were their swords. It says they were made of pure light! And could cut through anything!” Beka turned the page to an illustration of a faceless Jedi wielding a blue saber.   
“Baloney. Next, she’ll tell you about the force. The Jedi were just a bunch of religious nerf herders. I bet those dumb swords couldn’t stop a blaster.” Leo barked. 

“Oh Leo, best not talk about things you don’t understand.” Lo sighed.   
“C’mon grandma, you don’t believe in that junk?” Lo simply shrugged in response.

“I believe!” Beka shouted. “Do you, Ben?”  
Ben felt dumbfounded. Should he lie and side with Leo or play dumb like Lo. It didn’t feel right either way and Leo was beginning to irritate him even more. 

“Well, uh, the Force. It’s real. I can tell you that.” Ben choked. Beka’s face immediately brightened.   
“Prove it.” Leo snapped.   
“Well, it’s an energy that connects us all. It flows over us and through us. And some of us can use it for great good or great evil.” Ben nearly quoted his own old texts. 

“That doesn’t answer my question or prove anything.”   
“Well there’s no way I can prove it, but you could be feeling it right now and not even know it,” Ben said. He could feel Leo’s heart rate quicken and a wave of irritation began to imminent from him. 

“How do you know all this junk,” Leo said. Beka also turned to him, her eyes begging for some kind of validation.

“Because I’ve seen it. I’ve seen a Jedi.”   
“I told you! I told you they exist!” Beka stood up and pointed at Leo. Ben immediately regretted saying it, knowing there’d be another barrage of questions. 

“Alright Beka, that’s enough excitement for tonight, go wash up for bed,” Lo said softly.   
“But grandma…”   
“No buts. And Leo, be nice to your sister and our guest.” Lo stood up to hug Beka before she ran up the stairs. Leo rolled his eyes. 

“Leo please show Ben to his guest room.”  
“You mean Dad’s room? Fine. C’mon.” Leo stomped around Ben. Ben gathered up his things to follow. He felt anxious from all the tension. As he hit the first step, Lo grabbed his arm. 

“Thank you, Ben.” Lo looked directly into his eyes. “She needed that. You’re what she needs right now, I can sense it.” Lo looked like she knew something.  
“Okay.” Ben wanted to tug his arm away.   
“You’re so familiar, Ben.”

-

“You said your dad was a smuggler right?” Leo said as he showed Ben the door to the cramped room.   
“Uh, yeah.”  
“Who’d he run for?”  
“Who didn’t he run for?” Be chuckled. He shouldn’t have said that aloud.   
“Ah, a real legend eh?”   
“Suppose.”   
“What was his name?” Leo said.  
“I think it’s best I didn’t say.”  
“Why’s that?”  
“Old debts.”  
“Ah, okay. Well, our folks run for the Hutts. We’re in debt to them, unfortunately.”  
“That is unfortunate. My father had a debt to him once.”   
“Who?”  
“Jabba, I think.”  
“Dang, that goes way back.” Leo still lingered in the door frame. “They run for the Hutts to keep us safe.” Leo’s voice became lower. “And I protect Beka, so I’d watch yourself.” 

Ben almost laughed but instead nodded. This child hadn’t the faintest clue about anything.

-

The bed was almost too comfortable for Ben to sleep in. He tossed and turned all night, listening to the beating sand that died as the sky became and purple-blue. 

“Psst.” He heard a whisper in his ear. It made him jolt.   
“Sorry…” he opened his eyes to Beka standing by the bed, still in her long nightgown.   
“S’okay.”   
“No, I’m really sorry.” She said urgently.  
“Why?” Ben whispered back. He felt sore from the plush mattress.   
“I kinda went through your stuff.”   
Ben took a minute to process what she said. And he became filled with dread.   
“Okay?” He rubbed his temples as he sat up and moved his legs off the side of the bed.   
“And… I found something.”   
Ben’s heart was pounding. Why was he so worried? Maybe she didn’t look hard enough and only found the blaster. But she moved her hands from behind her back and she revealed his mother’s saber. 

“It’s a lightsaber isn’t it?”   
“Beka, give me that.” He pulled it quickly out of her hands. She recoiled away in fear. 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” Ben squeezed her arm. She became less afraid. “It’s dangerous if you don’t know how it works.” Ben held it up for her to examine in the full light. 

“Are you a Jedi?” She whispered.  
“I was.”   
“Oh.”   
“Why’d you stop?”  
“Things got messy.”   
“Can I see it?”   
“See what?”  
“The lightsaber. grsssh!” She motioned an invisible saber with her arm.  
“I only use it if I have to.”  
“Oh…”  
“Hopefully I won’t have to. And Beka, don’t tell anyone, as much as I know you want to, it’s important that you not.” Ben squeezed her shoulder. 

“Can I show you something though? Something I’ve been working on?” She whispered.  
“Oh sure, where?”   
“Follow me.” She pulled on his arm. 

She guided him down into the until now hidden, basement. He had to crouch as she led him as to not pull her arm up too much. 

The basement was even more cluttered than the living space. It was filled with all sorts of mechanical parts. Rusted power converters, chewed up bypass lines. In the middle of the grimy floor, there was a large rock, almost as big as the girl’s head. 

“Took me forever to get it down here. Really heavy.” She pointed. Ben squatted down by the rock. There were little scratches etched into the stone floor. They were deliberate. 

“And these?” He ran a fingertip on the grooved scratches.   
“That’s how far I’ve moved it.” She sat down next to him. “With the force.” She whispered. “It was there, but now it’s moved here. No one believes me and my friend Cece has been telling everyone I’m crazy.” She pouted. 

Ben was a bit dumbfounded. He smoothed over the stone. How could he miss her signature? He’d been too distracted. This child had something special. Too wise for a normal child. Though just as eager and curious. Ben pushed the stone over into its first position.

“Hey!” Beka snapped.   
“You’re gonna move it again. I’m going to watch.” Ben scooted away from the stone. The girl was silent. 

“Will you help me?” She sniffled.   
“I will.”

She got up and stood a ways from the rock. She put her arm out with her hand stretched open. Her eyes squeezed shut. He could feel her concentration, but it wasn’t helping her.

“Here.” He pushed her slightly closer and guided her to the floor. He rested her hand on the stone. 

“Feel it. Understand it.” Ben stood up from her. He began to hear a strong hum.   
“Just breathe. Slowly and deliberate.” 

She was almost hyperventilating when the rock split open and she fell backward. Ben looked a bit shocked as he examined the pieces. 

“Oh no.” She whimpered. “Did I do that.”   
“I didn’t do it.” Ben whispered. “Come back and hold it with me.” 

She followed his orders and bent down to help her hold the pieces together. Her tiny fingers rested slightly on his hand. She started to do the same breathing she did before and Ben synced his with her. There was a growing pressure as they pushed the rock together. Ben watched the cracks begin to fuse. The rock became whole again and Beka sat back with excitement. Gasping into a laugh. Ben smiled at her. She needed this and he needed it too


	7. Belonging

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The belonging you seek is not behind you, it is ahead.”
> 
> After helping Finn realize his potential and he declared his love to her, Rey leaves to finally explore her feeling for Ben. She was unsure if he was genuine and if this was something that would last if it was real. When runs away to Tatooine under the guise of getting parts for the Falcon, all her doubts melted away when she saw Ben. They consummate their feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's day ;)

“I can’t do it.” Finn collapsed on the ground. The rock he’d been focusing on still refused to move. He felt deflated. Rey was already going down the hill in frustration. When she reached the bottom she felt a dry heat. 

“Ben?” She turned around as he turned to her. “Ben!” She wanted to jump and hug him but it wouldn’t be the same. “Where have you been?”  
“I would ask the same of you. I guess we’ve been preoccupied.” Ben had just gotten back to the dugout. Leo had begrudgingly donated one of his land speeders, under orders from Lo. “How are you?”  
“Could be better.” Rey kicked a muddy rock in front of her.  
“I’m sorry.”  
“I’m so lonely, Ben,” She finally blurted.  
“Oh.” Ben had felt the same loneliness creeping into the dugout.  
“What about your friends?”  
“They’re good, but I feel so removed from it all. I don’t know how to act anymore. I feel like I’m hiding.”  
“You are in a way.” Ben reaches out his hand to her. She was on the verge of tears as she held onto him. “And I’m sorry.” His lips brushed her fingers. She pulled away. 

“I’m sorry.” Ben retracted his hand.  
“No, it’s okay. I’m just…”  
“Yeah.” Ben stopped her. “Tell me about them, your friends.” 

Rey gave a small smile.  
“There’s Finn…” “The stormtrooper?”  
Rey replied with a glare.  
“Sorry.”  
“His name is Finn. He’s special. You know… with the force.” She gestured with her hands.

“And I’m trying to train him, but I barely know how to do that, so I’m failing him and I don’t know what to do.”  
Ben remained silent, trying to find the right words.  
“Just show him the way. You don’t have to be a master or a teacher. Just be a friend.” Ben thought about Beka as he spoke. “You’re strong.”  
“Thank you.” She sniffled. His words softened her, but she still felt engulfed in a secretive shadow. How could she be there for Finn when she couldn’t be completely open to him. That was her block. 

“What have you been doing?” She said.  
“Oh, not much. I guess I have a job now.”  
“Oh really?” Rey gasped into a chuckle.  
“Doing what?”  
“I’m not sure yet. They say they just need someone to help fix droids to sell or help trade.” Lo had demanded he return and help them for pay. Whether that was in food or credits. Either way, he knew he had to stay for Beka.  
“You’ve been busy I see.”  
“I guess so… how are your nightmares? I haven’t seen you.”  
“They are better now.” Rey scratched her head. She still felt the shiver of a decayed hand on her back in every pleasant dream since. “How about you?”  
“I don’t know. I never remember them, either because I don’t want to, or my memory is just bad.” Ben did remember parts. Cold hands, hushed whispers, a crying child. It made him shudder.

Rey snorted a small chuckle. “Must be nice.”  
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I’m not there. That we are connecting enough.” Ben covered his eyes with his hand.  
“It’s not your fault.” She wipes her eyes. She’d thought about sending a Holocron, but then people would question why there was a transmission to Tatooine.  
“It is my fault, had I not gone down the path I did. You wouldn’t be in this mess.”  
“We wouldn’t have even met though? I wouldn’t have seen BB8 and Finn wouldn’t be there.” She composed herself. “It all happens for a reason.”  
“Balance,” Ben muttered. “Would’ve saved the heartache.”  
“But it would just grow somewhere else.” Rey finished. 

“Rey? Rey?” She heard Finn shouting. Could he see them?  
“Just be.” Ben’s shape faded into the sky.

Finn came puffing down the hill. His face covered in beads of sweat despite the cool breeze that was blowing in. 

“Rey, I can do this anymore. I’m not cut out for this, just like how I’m not cut out to be a general and whatever.” Finn wipes his brow. 

“Finn, let’s try one more time.” She reached for his hand. Finn hesitated but he grabbed it hard as a cooler gust of wind hit them. The sky was getting darker. 

They trudged back up the hill, hand in hand. Finn stared down the wretched rock as he let go of Rey. The wind was really blowing by then. It caused Rey’s linens to whip in the air. She held her hand out to rock as if to beckon it and waved her other hand to call Finn over. She pushed both their hands together, letting her hand roll down and gripped his wrist. 

“Be with us.” She whispered. “Be with me.” Finn echoed. He squeezed all his energy and breath down his arm. He peeked one eye and saw the clouds going black. 

“Be with me!” He finally shouted just as a lightning bolt burst from the sky splitting the rock in two before erupting into thunder. Then the clouds finally burst into a downpour. Finn was laughing with excitement. 

“I did that! I did that!” Rey could barely hear him through the sheets of rain. He gripped her arm and jumped up letting himself soak up the rain. Rey was beaming. He had done it and was more powerful than he or she thought. 

“Thank you! Thank you so much.” He shifted his hands to her shoulders and held her. The sun began to pour through the clouds as he pulled her into an excited kiss. He was completely caught in the moment. And he felt like he was in love with every inch and part of her. But it was broken when he felt her push him back. 

The warm sunny rain stopped instantaneously. 

“Rey, I’m so sorry. I just thought.”  
“No, it’s okay. I’m sorry if I made you feel that way…” she trailed off. The clouds regrouped overhead but the rain was still gone and the wind began to blow again. 

“Well need to sort out how that works.” Rey tried desperately to change the subject by referencing the weather. The weather Finn had just manipulated. It made her anxious to read about. Was it dark sided? No, not Finn. Despite her thoughts, the awkwardness of the immediate situation was too great to ignore. 

“Rey, I am really sorry.” His voice was serious and sincere.  
“It’s okay, Finn. It’s nothing.”  
“Thank you…” Finn felt slightly hurt when she said it was nothing.  
“I’ll always care deeply about you, but I just don’t have those feelings for you. I’m sorry.” Rey felt herself putting up walls again, now feeling more alienated. Would this ruin their friendship? She couldn’t handle that. Her mind began to drift. 

“Is there someone else?” Finn felt dumb after saying that.  
“Oh, uh.” Rey was caught off guard. Was there someone else. Her mind drifted to Ben, they’d shared kisses and their deepest secrets and fears. Did that make him “someone else?” She thought. She’d longed for him to appear many times. In the dark nights when she couldn’t sleep or the hot afternoons when she meditated on the peak. As she thought she realized that Finn was still waiting for a reply. 

“Yes.” She spoke softly without thinking.  
“Oh.” Finn deflated. “Who?” Finn kicked himself for that one. “Do I know him? Please tell me I don’t.” And for that one too.  
“No, not really. I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” Rey began to feel the chill from the breeze on her wet clothes. 

Finn felt his heart sinking every second. Wasn’t this what he wanted? The perfect life with Rey? Was he willing to wait? Play the long game? Finn’s mind was racing. This ruined everything. I ruin everything. He thought.

“Finn… it’s okay, it’s just, I don’t know what to say.” Rey pulled him into a hug resting her chin on his shoulder like aways. He held on to her tight, scared to let go. Rey wanted to cry, but she wasn’t entirely sure why.

“I love you, Finn,” Rey said.  
“Just not like that,” Finn replied. He studied the mud beneath them as the wind swirled around them.  
“I’m glad you understand.” Rey pulled away. She wanted to run fast down the hill and hide but she asked Finn to walk down with her. He declined and sat in the mud to meditate, or so he said. 

Rey hopped down the hill as fast as she could. She knew what she needed to do. She needed to see if what she had with Ben was real. Some sort of reassurance. 

-

She didn’t go to dinner that night. She elected to stay in her room to try and send a beacon to Ben. 

“Please, I need to see you.” She was desperate and considering sending a Holocron. Before she went to do so she heard Ben’s voice. 

“Rey? Are you okay?” He gestured to her red eyes.  
“Yes, yes. I just need you. I want to see you.”  
“You see me now?”  
“No, I want to see you and feel you close again. I can’t keep waiting for the dyad to connect us. I need you.” Her voice trailed off.  
“Then come.” His voice was smooth. “I’ll be here if you do.” 

He reached for her and she wanted to bury herself in his chest, but he shifted away before she could. Now she knew she had to go, somehow. She couldn’t handle this distance anymore. She wandered out into the humid night, almost distraught as she stumbled around the woods. She saw the glow of the hanger lights coming through the trees. The Falcon was there, in a sad state since Exogul, but still flyable. 

“Parts.” She whispered. It needed new parts, especially some new outer paneling, and Jawas were very talented scavengers and junk traders. A good excuse to leave for a few days. 

She found her way back to her tent and went to work packing what little she had and writing a note to Finn. 

“Need to get parts for the Falcon. Heading to Corellia. -Rey. PS, Finn just keep meditating and breathing exercises to improve your abilities.” She scribbled as she slung her sack over her back. 

“Where you headed?”  
Rey nearly jumped out of her skin. She whipped around expecting to see Finn, but she saw an old face. Leia was smiling in that strange knowing way she’d always done. 

“Kinda seems like you already know.” Rey continued. “I just need to see if what I’m feeling is real. If he’s real.”  
“You don’t wanna be let down again.” Leia sat on a trunk by the entry. “Don’t tell him I said anything, but he’s willing to do anything for you. He wants to prove himself to you.”  
“Really?” Rey didn’t know why she was surprised. Leia only nodded. 

“I just feel like I’m now running away from this mess here.” Rey sighed, feeling guilty about everything with Finn.  
“But this time you’re going towards something.” Leia motioned to the sky outside. “Belonging. It’s what you both seek and you’ve found it in each other. Search yourself and you can see that it’s true.” Leia had started to sound like her brother. 

“And if it’s not what you want, then that’s that, but it’s better to know then not.” Leia stood again. “He does care, and he’s not going to leave you. My son is nothing but devotion.” That latter part stung.  
“There will always be someone watching over you no matter what.” Leia vanished into the muggy night. 

Rey was quiet as she made her way to the Falcon. She would have to get clearance to leave, the Falcon sat near the back of the hanger. 

The ship felt like home. A small oasis from the chaos outside. She climbed into the cockpit and strapped on the headset. It was barely holding together as she powered up the ship. She had to hold the speaker up to her mouth. 

“This is M-Falcon requesting clearance.” She tried to sound deeper and more distinguished.  
“This is Ajan-one, what is the purpose of your departure?” A voice crackled back.  
“New panels for this ship from Corellia.”  
There was a pause. It made Rey anxious.  
“Alright, you’re clear on vector 2. Godspeed.” The voice cut out. With a bit of relief, Rey was able to pull the Falcon out of the hanger and lifted it up to the sky. The pained revving it spat made Rey nervous as they left the atmosphere. Her anxiety melted when she sat above Ajan. She saw the little dots of light from the few settlements there against a backdrop of blackened green nighttime jungles. She studied them for a moment before jumping into light speed. Flying towards destiny?

-

(Meanwhile on Tatooine) 

The double suns had begun their descent on the horizon when Ben heard the heavy hum and thud of a ship landing outside. His heartbeat immediately quickened and he rushed out of the dugout. A ship he wanted to forget about sat in a cloud of settling dust. 

Before she even got out of the cockpit she opened the hatch as an invitation to Ben, who she felt standing outside. It made her heart thud out of her chest. She’d seen him plenty (although not enough) through the dyad, but this was real. 

Ben’s stomach churned as he took a deep breath and bowed into the ship. 

It was as if nothing had changed in the last year since he was on it at the Starkiller base. He froze when he heard Rey come around the corner. She stood feet away from him. Like some breathing apparition. She’d worn her typical desert garb with slight variations. A sleeveless tan tunic under draped tan linen. Light grey leggings below and her signature brown, cloth boots. She was stunning with her hair draped over her shoulders and a small bun near the top. She was more clear than the dyad had made her look, defined, real. He couldn’t move a muscle or utter a word. 

Rey stood like a statue who’s heart threatened to jump out of her throat. He was really there, standing in the grimy hall. She was skinnier than she remembered, not gaunt, but not full. That was what this life did, she thought. It made her shudder thinking of Jakku. He had his hair slightly pulled back out of his face. It was just a tad bit longer. He was clothed in a light grey tunic with sleeves that barely fit him, and a slightly darker cloak that draped in a crisscross over his shoulders, obscuring his neck. Her heart settled into a fast but steady rhythm. 

Each of them stood silently, unsure of who should speak first. 

“I’m not dreaming am I?” Ben broke the silence.  
“No, I don’t think so…” Rey trailed, unsure if this was a dream as well. 

He didn’t want to move towards her, he feared she’d be scared away. 

Rey had been quick to cry over the last month and a half, and when she saw him standing there it was hard to hold them back. 

“Hey, hey, hey…” Ben took a risk and moved to her when he saw the first tear. Pulled her into his arms and she returned it by burying herself into the front of the cloak to soak up any of her tears. 

“It’s okay.” He freed one hand to stroke the top of her head. It kept him from kissing it instead. 

“I just don’t want to regret this.” Rey lifted her head.  
“You won’t.” Rey detected no lie in his voice as he looked her directly in the eyes.

She wrapped his arms around him and rested the side of her head on his chest. She could stay like this forever. She felt a calm flowing over her. He felt it too. Relief. 

“I’ve been so lonely,” Rey admitted.  
“It’s easy to be lonely in a crowd. No one notices you.” Ben spoke from deep experience. Though they had grown up with different types of loneliness, they both felt the same hollowness from it. 

“I’m so happy to see you.” Happiness was a somewhat new feeling for him and it was both dreadful and wonderful.  
“I’m so happy too.” Rey sniffled. They remained like this for an eternity. Ben moves the outside of his hand down to Rey’s cheek. She was blushing so much it made her cheeks hot and bright red. It continued down to her exposed shoulder and softly glided down her arm. Gently past the scar on her upper arm down to her hand that had fallen to her side. The touch was so soft it barely registered to her but gave her a trail of goosebumps.

“Do you want to come inside?” He clasped her hand tightly and pulled it up between them to kiss. She only responded by getting on her tiptoes to kiss him. He freed his other arm from around her torso to hold the back of her neck. Her hair was soft and warm. Their kiss turned into an open mouth one and their breathing quickened. Rey pulled back with a pop.

“Please don’t ever stop.” Ben sighed.  
“Never.” Rey kissed him again. Ben tipped her downwards so she didn’t have to stand on her toes. He supported her back and head with one arm and kept holding her hand with the other one. 

All the doubts Rey had begun to slip away. She felt a strange peace. A belonging she craved. 

She grabbed onto his back and supported herself before she took a chance and hiked her leg up on to his hip. Pinning his leg between hers. Ben grabbed her thigh and slightly lifted her up. He wobbled forward and pressed her against the curved wall behind them. 

This time Rey was higher than Ben as he lifted her other leg up over his waist. He then used both hands to lean against the wall. 

Their kisses slowed and they were left panting. Ben slid her down till she was eye level with him. He was cared to support her neck as he moved one hand behind her head. He tilted her chin up and lightly kissed the edge of her jaw before moving down to her neck. She made a tiny gasp when the kisses popped the tiny capillaries on her neck. They left a trail of deep red marks. 

He held her waist and slid her up again and buried his face in the cloth of her chest. Still making the quietest kisses. He pulled away out of breath. 

“Is this okay? Are you okay?” He panted.  
“Yeah… yeah.” She squeaked before asserting her answer. 

She started to push off his cloak, but she couldn’t without covering his face. He took the moment to only hold her with his waist to pull the cloak off himself. He returned back to her and kissed her neck again. More slowly than before. His hands shook as he rested them on her waist, slipping his fingers under her dark leather belt. He followed the belt to the little space between them, he paused above the latches. 

Rey kissed the top of his head and wrapped her arms and legs tightly around him, rotating her hips against him. He took it as permission to undo the belt. It fell with a light click to the ground. He went back to kissing her hard again and held the back of her neck with both hands. She sighed softly as he replayed the same motions of kissing her neck and leaving little bites. The wrapped front of her tunic became looser with each movement. Ben smoothed his hand lightly down to her shoulders and pulled off the linens that still cling to her tunic. His hands returned to gently tug down the collar of her tunic. It gave away with ease and dropped to the floor. Her chest was still crisscrossed in layers of gauzy wrappings. Rey shivered as an evening breeze swept through the open hatch. 

Ben pauses his attack of kisses after becoming more aware of their surroundings. After deciding that he hated being in that ship, he stopped to pull her up into a bridal carry. She couldn’t help but laugh and cover her face. They were both flushed and chuckling. Ben was wary of tripping over the shed garments. He gripped Rey’s shoulders and held her legs tightly as he maneuvered to the hatch. He unceremoniously used his elbow to press the lock on the hatch so it would close behind them. They ventured into the pink evening sky. It was only a few steps to the dugout but Ben nearly buckled in the sand. Rey, however, could not stop laughing. Ben grunted, trying not to laugh at himself. 

He was able to use his back to push in the dugout door. Though Rey was light, he began to feel his arms ache as he very slowly went down the narrow stairs to the master suite. 

“I can walk too?” Rey chuckled. She’d taken to holding herself close to Ben’s chest, rubbing her nose into the old fabric. It was somehow comforting.  
“No, I can do it.” Ben huffed. “I want to be your legs.”  
Rey rolled her eyes in defeat and snuggled close to him again. 

The master room was clean but hadn’t been touched since Ben arrived. The mattress was old and not very comfortable, but they were too distracted to care. When he gently sat Rey down, he tried very hard to not sound like he was trying to catch his breath. She dangled her legs the swayed with nervousness. 

When they made it through the room, the two old wall lamps awoke with a low gold glow that made Rey look like she was also gold. 

Be bent down to hold her face and kiss her with a deep breath. As they kissed, he ran his hands down to her shoulders and then to her back, finding the tucked end of the wrapped gauze. 

“W-Wait.” Rey pulled out of the kiss and Ben froze and pulled his hands back. Rey’s hands were trembling as she pulled at the wrapped cloth belt of his tunic. He held her wrists and worked to help her undo it till it too fell off. 

“It’s only fair,” Rey whispered as she pulled open the tunic. It made Ben smile but hid it by keeping his head low. Her cool hands on his chest then shoulders made every hair stand to attention. He pushed her hands down. 

“Let me be your hands too.” He spoke as he worked to unwrap her chest. He very slowly pulled off the long band of gauzy cloth. Rey’s heart was pounding in nervousness. Ben took a moment to admire her bare chest. Her breasts were small and perfect round, covered in a smattering of freckles. Her chest and neck burned red as her whole body turned into a blush. Ben drew close to her again and held her head back to kiss her neck. He used the back of his hand to roll down her neck to her chest. It made Rey give a ticklish squirm. His hands were dry and warm and he caressed her, never drawing away. 

Ben wanted to inhale her with every kiss. He started to push her down into the bed when she spoke.

“Wait, wait. I’m sorry.” Rey sat up again as Ben pulled away. He sat on his haunches before the foot of the bed. Rey sat up sheepishly and crossed her arms over her chest. 

“Did I do something wrong?” Ben said and rested a hand on her knee.  
“No, I just… I've never done this before, and I just want you to know that… and to please be gentle.” She held her head down to avoid his eyes. She had a memory in the back of her head brewing. She was just a girl when some filthy cohort of Unkar was roughly dragging her to a tent. She could feel his very intention and somehow she was able to pull free and run as fast as she could. Though she wasn’t aware, she knew what he wanted to do to her and it left her sour. 

“Always.” Ben whispered and gave her a light kiss on the cheek. She felt a wave of relief. In honesty, Ben had never gone this far either, close but never here. Always chickening out when him and whoever he was with would jump at every sound. Didn’t wanna get caught by his uncle who would tell his mom. It made him audibly laugh. 

“What?” Rey chuckled.  
“Nothing.” Ben smiled into a deeper kiss with her. 

He kissed her chin and ran his hands down her body to her waist. Slipping his fingertips into the band of her leggings. It was just a tease before his hands went further and pulled off her boots, tossing them across the room. He ran his hands up her legs and moved over her again, pressing into a long kiss. Rey’s grin broke it, and Ben smiled back and moved to kiss her neck, leaving more marks as he moved down her chest. 

His hands ran down her sides and stopped at her waistband. He paused at kissing her stomach to look up for some silent answer as to what he’d do next. 

“Huh, uh.” Rey panted and shook her head while running her fingers through his hair. 

Ben hooked his fingers around the band. Ben shimmied the band down Rey arched her back to help. As he pulled off the leggings he draped one of her legs on his shoulder. Rey sat slightly up on her elbows to reach Ben for a kiss. He gave a deep kiss then slowly moved down her neck to her chest. The light kisses made her giggle and her heart thump. Ben smiled before leaving a mark on her chest and cupping a breast. It made her hiss into a whimper. He kept going down to her stomach and pausing between her legs. 

Rey laid back on the bed, she trembled like a thin branch. Her heart sped up when she felt light kisses on her inner thighs. Her breath became heavy, she wanted to beg but she remained still. Ben was taking his time, sucking on her thighs and his hands caressing her sides down her outer thighs. Rey held her breath when she felt Ben pull her other leg on his shoulder. He kissed the edge of her pelvis before going down between her legs. She released her breath in a gasp and her hands shot up and held his head. It felt like the room was spinning. 

One of Ben’s hands curled around her thigh and pulled one of her hands off his head and interlocked their fingers. The other hand held her thigh tightly against his shoulder. Rey could feel her legs turning to liquid, she pulled away her other hand and rolled up her chest and cupped her mouth shut to stifle her noises. 

Ben savored the salty and sweet flavor of her and gave one last lap before kissing back up her body. Rey felt almost disappointed as he pulled away from her legs and came up to her level. He moved up to the edge of the bed. He held her up by the small of her back as he sat next to her. She tilted her head back as he kissed her. Ben grazed her with his left hand down her body and softly between her legs. Those touches made Rey quietly laugh again. That was short-lived when she felt him closing in. She squeaked when she felt his fingers move in her. That’s when she couldn’t contain her moans. Ben muffled her by latching onto her mouth with his. 

Rey’s legs began to shake and her heart grew into her throat. She mustered the strength to pull his fingers out of her and pounced on him, straddling his lap as she held his face to kiss him. Ben held her sides to keep her steady. She moved one hand down his torso and fiddled with the edge of his pants. She wanted to tear them open as she bit down into his lower lip. 

“Ow.” He chuckled.  
“Sorry.” She quietly jeered. She was finally able to break in. She pulled him out and tried to relax herself as she drew him in. 

“Ow.” It hurt at first, but she went slowly enough to make it manageable. Ben replied to her pain by putting one hand to rub between her legs to mask her pain with more pleasure. She moaned into his mouth and he sighed into hers. Her hands tightened on his shoulders as she rolled her hips against him. Ben could feel himself falling backwards into the bed. He countered it by grabbing her close and flipping their positions. 

He used his knees and one free arm to gently lay her down at the head of the bed. He relaxed down against her and she wrapped her arms around him, clawing into his back and biting his neck. She felt a growing and buzzing heat take over her flesh and when it all released she gave a loud and broken moan. Ben replied with a similar groan. 

He was careful and slow pulling away from her. Her chest was heaving as she tried to catch her breath. They were both drenched in sweat. Ben rolled over and laid down next to her. She turned over to face him. He brushed the curve of her body, ribs to hips, with his fingertips. She chuckled and scooted closer, wrapping her leg over his, drawing them together. 

“Was that okay?” He murmured.  
Rey nodded and kissed his forehead.  
“Perfect.” She said between pecks. She wrapped her arms around him when she smelled her sweat. 

“Gosh, I’m absolutely ripe.” She laughed.  
“I couldn’t tell.”  
“I could use a bath.”  
“Well, there’s a shower.” Ben played coy.  
“Show me where it’s at.” She whispered. Ben cocked his head up and saw her crafty smile. 

“Oh. Yes.” Ben sat up and helped her off the bed. Rey resisted the urge to cover her chest as she took his hand. 

-

They made more love than actual cleaning. Ben was down on his knees, “cleaning” between Rey’s legs. She didn’t hold back any noises and they all echoed in the ceramic shower. Then he’d hold her up against the cool, wet wall and grind with her. They went at it until the water eventually ran cold and then stopped entirely. 

“Oops,” Ben smirked. “That tank is all gone.”  
“Oh no,” Rey said as he put her down and held her arm so she wouldn’t slip.  
“It’s fine, there’s another full one.” He replied.

-

Rey slept hard and calmly for the first time in forever. Even though the bed was uncomfortable she felt safe and cradled. She awoke and found Ben already awake and watching her. He smiled when her eyes fluttered open. He turned away, still smiling. Who would’ve thought? He wondered.

Rey pressed her face into the old pillow to hide her smile, her heart grew. This was it, she could stay in this bed forever. She wanted nothing more. Belonging, she thought.


	8. New Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is suddenly called back to Base after her and Ben make their feelings solid and known. 
> 
> Finn struggles navigating Poe’s love for him, while trying to figure out what it is he wants. 
> 
> Danger looms on the horizon for all of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More adult content. This one is Finn/Poe
> 
> We’ll be getting into the adventure part of the story in the next few chapters. 
> 
> The second part of this series will be up right after this fic is completed :)

“Hrrgh!” Rey grunted. Her and Ben locked their arms together, their heads pressed together. Rey knew he was holding back, but she was using every muscle to strain against him. Her feet started to slide back, she used her toes to try and grip the floor, to no avail. 

“Had enough?” Ben smirked. He pressed forward again. Rey slid back harder.   
“Not a chance.” She smiled, her voice was low and guttural. 

She pushed again. Her muscles ached but she was locked into place. Ben snorted and immediately relinquished his pressure and it sent Rey flying into him causing them to toppled over. 

“You jerk.” Rey pinned his shoulders down as she crouched above him on all fours. Her long hair dangled down, less than an inch from Ben’s face. It tickled his cheeks, already red. His hair laid out on the floor beneath him, like a dark halo. Both of them were still panting. 

Ben strained to lift one hand. He used it to tuck one side of her hair behind her ear. She knelt lower and brushed her lips on his. He held her cheek as they kissed. 

Rey wore a thin sweater that was three times too big, having left her tunic on the Falcon. The sweater hung just above her knees, but she still wore her leggings underneath. The collar of the shirt was big too and made a large plunge, nearly falling down her shoulder sometimes. If Ben lifted his head he’d see through the the other end of the sweater as it hung from her. 

He brushed the outside of his hand down her cheek to her shoulders and then rested his fist in the middle of her chest, somewhat holding her up. She leaned in closer and kissed him again. Ben ran his hand down her chest to the end of the sweater, then both hands went under the sweater. 

“You Jerk,” Rey breathily said and kissed him again. Ben traced her ribs and her waist. One hand ventured down to her leggings, teasing at the waistband. 

“Jerk.” Rey said again. Ben smiled and went under the band. Rey gasped and nearly fell down.   
“Had enough?” He asked. She was burying her nails into his shoulders. She didn’t answer this time. 

Rey finally gasped and and her arms buckled causing her to fall hard onto Ben. It almost knocked the air out of him. He pulled out of her and stroked her back. 

“I think I won.”  
“Cheating.” Rey huffed. 

It’s been two days of love making and play, finally able to just live and leave out the rest of the world. But there was this creeping thing that neither of them wanted to acknowledge. 

“I think I should actually get my clothes out of the ship.” Rey sat up on her knees.   
“I’ll come with you. It’s getting dark.” 

They had developed a lightness and a playfulness. It was such a relief. Ben chased Rey out of the dugout. She was giggling and he tried to reach her as she struggled up the stairs. To throw him off she tossed sand at him as they stepped outside. She was able to make her dash to the ship. 

“That’s cheating.” Ben laughed while trying to sound serious as Rey keyed into the ship. The sky was a pink that was quickly becoming purple. It cast a rosy glow on everything. 

“God, it looks worse than I recalled.” Ben stared at the hunk of junk, scarred by blasters and panels with blackened and twisted edges. He moved his focus to Rey. She became the only focal point he saw. She was glaring but it faded to smile when he smiled at her. This was broken by the bay door cracking open with a hiss. 

“I’ll be right back.” Rey skirted up the ramp.   
Ben’s stomach curled at the thought of stepping inside so he remained outside, watching the suns dip down. Sunsets were the only perk of this place. 

Rey quickly found her discarded tunic. As she picked it up she heard a shrill beeping from the cockpit. 

She pulled off the sweater and wrapped herself in the tunic and belt and walked slowly to the cockpit. The holo-channel was the source of the beeping. A missed message. 

Rey pressed the accept button and a tiny, fuzzy hologram appeared. It was Poe which surprised her. 

“Rey, I don’t know what you’re doing, but we need you back. Finn needs you back. Something’s come up and Finn needs your help. It’s overwhelming. If you can please come back as soon as possible, that would be terrific.” The hologram cut away. His voice was strained and annoyed. 

Rey signed and laid back in the pilots seat. It creaked in reply. 

“You have to leave, don’t you?” Ben had followed her onto the ship. He swallowed his anxiety when Rey didn’t come out again. 

A bit startled, Rey turned and gave him a mournful look before nodding. “I’m sorry.” All of her muscles felt like they just melted away and her bones left bare. 

“It’s okay. I understand. It’s not the right time.” Ben swallowed. 

Rey flew out of the chair and attached herself to Ben’s chest. Squeezing him as hard as she could, as if he’d blow away. Ben rubbed her back and pressed his cheek on her head. 

“Soon.” She whispered.  
“Soon.” He replied.   
“Here.” Rey unlatched herself and pressed his sweater against him.   
“You probably need this more.” She sighed.   
“Oh. Yeah, fine.” He curled his hands around her wrists, then smoothed over her hands to the fabric. They became unattached when Ben turned away. Rey’s stomach fell. 

She followed him to the bay door past their mess of clothes.   
“Here.” Rey repeated. She caught up to him after gathering her thin linen pieces she wore on her tunic.   
“Keep these.” She held them out to him. “They’re great in the desert.” 

Ben smiled which relieved Rey.   
“And you’ll keep this.” Ben bent to pick up the gray cloak below them. “It’s too warm for me.” He held it to her. “It gets cold in space, and since I can’t come with you, I think this will suffice.” 

“Y-yes,” Rey chirped and glommed on to the cloak. Pulling it against her chest. She draped it over her shoulders.   
“I’ll be right back.” Ben said as he marched out of the ship. Rey followed and stood at the entrance. She buried her nose in the cloak. It smelled like him, something untraceable. Something smokey and warm. 

Ben came up out of the dugout with her boots and saber. He stepped up the ramp to her. 

“You probably want these.” He held them up. Rey nodded and held them with him. She was taller than him at this level. 

“Ben.” She whispered. When he looked up she drew him into a kiss. They stood like this for a small eternity. 

He thumbed over her cheek and to her chin before letting go. He backed down the ramp and stared up at her with a sorrowful intensity. 

“Rey…” he tried not to choke. She could barely hear him as the ramp began to rise. 

“I love you,” he said. The words felt heavy in his mouth but she floated away so fast.   
“I know.” Rey half smiled as the bay closed up. “I love you too.” She whispered. 

-

(3 days earlier on Ajan Kloss)

“I am such an idiot.” Finn plopped down next to Poe. Everyone had headed back to their stations or bed. But Finn saw Poe sitting quietly by the fire. He held a tall bottle of Corellian whiskey he’d been nursing. 

Poe sat alone there, trying to take a retreat from the constant distress calls from the Nevarro system and the incessant questioning and decisions he had to do for the construction of their base. It was breaking him, but he knew he couldn’t ask Finn. He knew deep down, Finn didn’t want to be a general. Did he even want to be a general? 

“Is it bad?” Poe felt stupid for asking.  
“Very bad.” Finn sighed. Poe gave one hard nod and held the bottle to Finn.   
“Oh, thanks.” Finn grabbed the neck, their fingers briefly met and it made Poe shiver. This crush was never going to go away. At least not easily. What’s another heartache?

Finn took an unfortunately large swig of the whiskey and it set his mouth a throat on fire. He’d never really drank much, but he knew it was dumb to straight up down a liquor.

“Whoof.” He hissed and passed the bottle back to Poe. He felt the heat travel to his stomach creating a dull warmth, a tiny flame that needed to grow.

They sat silently, watching the fire send little embers into the dark sky. The night was cooler than most nights, thanks to Finn’s rain display. They sat so close Poe could feel Finn’s body heat emanating. 

“I was so stupid to do that.”  
“What’s that?”   
“I kissed Rey.”  
“Really?” Poe straightened up and prepared to take a large sip of whiskey.   
“Yeah. It felt right. We’d finally had a breakthrough… I don’t know.” Finn trailed off.  
“I thought it was what I wanted. We’d been through so much. We’re so close, now we feel like strangers… and I know she’s off to see her boyfriend or whatever. Watch the Falcon come back unchanged.” He rambled.

“That’s rough.” Poe sighed and took a long hard sip before handing it to Finn.   
“It feels like we’re strangers now.” Finn took a gulp of the whiskey and hissed as it went down. He could feel the heat reaching his cheeks. “Maybe it’s ‘the Force’ trying to tell me something.” Finn passed the bottle back. 

“I’m sorry.” Poe took another drink.   
Finn threw up his hands and shrugged.

Poe wanted to be there for Finn, but it was hard being a shoulder to cry on when he was crying over someone else. Poe drifted in his mind. 

“You ever been through something like that? You know like, when you’re in love with someone but they don’t love you?”   
“You love her?” Poe took a hard sip after that remark.   
“I don’t know. Still you know what I’m saying right?”  
“Yeah.” Poe sighed and handed the bottle back.   
“Eh, who we kidding, you’re the one everyone falls for. A real heartbreaker here.” Finn chuckled and took another sip.   
“Ah I don’t know about that.” Poe loosened his tension and slumped down off the log they’d been sitting on. His chin was up to Finn’s knee. He was feeling flushed, thankfully the red glow of the fire hid his glowing red cheeks.

“Fine, so you must have been in the same position as me, eh?” Finn asked.  
“Something like that.”   
“Recently?”  
“Yeah.” Poe bit his lip. Stupid.  
“Really, who? I mean if you don’t mind me asking.”   
“Doesn’t matter.”  
“It does matter, you’re my best friend and I wanna be your vessel to vent to.”  
Poe shrugged.

“Is it Connix? You guys seem close.”  
“We work together.”  
“Oof, okay… Rose? I mean if it is I give you my blessing.” Finn pokes him.  
“No.” Poe’s heart was pounding.  
“Jannah?”  
“No.”  
“Rey…” Finn bit his inner cheek.  
“Of course not.”  
“Then who?” Finn was stumped.

Poe crawled up the log and waited for the inevitable next question. He leaned down and buried his face into his hands.  
“Who?” Finn’s voice wobbled.   
Poe turned up to him, staying low still.   
“You,” Poe whispered. His stomach did a backflip.

“Oh…” Finn paused. He felt at a loss for words. “I didn’t know you ‘swung that way.’” Finn felt dumb for saying that. “I mean you and Zorii, right?”

“It’s fine, Finn. Don’t worry about it.” Poe sat up too quickly and felt like he was going to fall backwards. Finn caught him, his warm hand just below Poe’s rolled up sleeve, sent pins and needles across his body. 

“I just don’t know what to say…”  
“You don’t have to say anything. Just forget it.” Poe slapped Finn’s thigh and then moved to get up. Finn pulled him back down.

“When I was a trooper, we weren’t allowed to have emotions. When I met Rey, everything people said about love and crushes made sense at the time. Then when Rose kissed me I was shocked because I’d never considered that I’d be the one people liked.” Finn stopped. He gripped Poe’s arm, but slowly let go. “I guess what I’m saying is… I don’t know what my feelings mean. No one ever told me.” 

Poe wanted to hold him. It broke his heart in a tiny moment. 

“When did you know?”  
“Hmm?”  
“When did you know you liked me?” Finn asked again.  
“Oh…” The words sat on the tip of Poe’s tongue. “I guess when you first took your helmet off… when you saved me.”   
“Wow.” Finn gasped. “I’m sorry… I had no idea. You must think me oblivious.”  
“No.” Poe gripped his shoulder.

Finn still had the whiskey in his hand, he took a hard swig before shifting his body to Poe.  
“I’m sorry.”  
“Please, don’t be.” Poe urged him. “Like I said, you can just carry on, I will carry on. We don’t have to do anything or speak of it again.” Poe felt nauseated. 

Finn set the bottle on the ground. He stared into the flames, his heart was pounding. It was making him sick.   
“Please, don’t worry yourself about it. It’ll pass.” Poe smoothed down Finn’s back as he was hunched over. He quickly drew his hand away when Finn sat up. 

“It doesn’t have to.” Finn whispered.   
“Okay.” Poe swallowed. He rested his hand on Finn’s shoulder, Finn’s fingers came on top of them. Maybe Poe was what he truly wanted. He wasn’t sure what that meant or how he’d confirm it. 

They made eye contact. Poe used his other hand to trace Finn’s jaw, then his chin, and finally his lower lip. He moved his other hand out of Finn’s and rolled it to the back of Finn’s neck. Their hearts became drums in sync. 

Inches from Finn’s face, Poe drew closer, scooting himself to make contact with the other. He bit his lower, chapped lip and moved forward and tenderly grazed Finn’s lips. Finn barely registered it, but he closed his eyes and moved to truly kiss Poe. 

Finn’s lips were as soft as Poe imagined before he’d drift to sleep, letting his mind wander into places he was scared to go. His heart jumped when Finn held the side of his face and curled his arm around Finn’s back. It was shattered when Finn pulled away. 

“Whew… I’m so drunk… probably drunk.” He’d never been drunk. He turned and saw the look of hurt on Poe’s face.   
“Oh, I’m sorry… I didn’t mean…” 

Poe laid his palms flat on his thighs. He reached down and grabbed the bottle. There was only about a fifth left, he chugged it down. It burnt like hell, but it turned into a numb heat. He felt himself rocking over, like being in a boat on a stormy sea. He slid off the log once again. 

“Don’t worry about it.” Poe laughed. His head was spinning. He could feel regret in the back of his throat. 

“I liked it.” Finn hushed. He trailed the tops of his fingers across Poe’s cheek.   
“Maybe it’s just the alcohol… but it was the best one I’ve ever had.” 

Poe cocked his spinning head up and grasped Finn’s fingers.   
“I’m just not experienced I suppose.” Finn stared off for a moment. Taking a risk, Poe lightly kissed his fingers.   
“Can you show me?” Finn murmured.  
“Are you sure?”   
“Please.”  
“Is this what you want?” Poe kissed his fingers again. “I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable.”   
“I’m sure.” Finn clenched his jaw.   
“Well, you have to relax, okay?”  
“Okay.” Finn let himself go slack. 

Poe turned his body to Finn, resting himself against Finn’s legs. He used them to pull up off the ground. He held on for dear life, holding to Finn’s back and neck. Finn has his eyes squeezed shut.

“Hey, hey? We can stop.” Poe loosened his hold. Finn’s eyes fluttered open.   
“I’ll die if you stop.” Finn whispered.

Poe loved the glow the flickering fire gave Finn’s eyes. He took a deep breath and leaned forward with the faintest kiss. Finn didn’t stop himself from pulling Poe closer, stealing the air between them, making the kisses hard. Wet. They both pulled away, their foreheads pressed together, trying to catch their breaths. 

Poe kept his hands on Finn’s chest as he sunk to the ground, sitting between Finn’s legs. 

“Are you okay?” He asked  
Finn finally opened his eyes.  
“Y-yeah. It’s great.”  
“Do you want me to stop?”  
“Don’t.”  
“Will you tell me when?”  
“Y-yes.” Finn was shaking. He felt like the world was rotating around him and that his head might float away. He fell back into his body, already tense with the heat now where Poe sat, when he felt kisses on the inside of his palms and his fingertips. Finn couldn’t resist running his fingers through Poe’s hair. 

His hair was warm almost hot from the fire behind him. So soft too, softer than Rey’s. 

“Is this okay?” Poe kissed Finn’s stomach and then his clothed inner thighs.   
“Y-yes, yes.” Finn stammered. His heart was racing. 

Poe’s fingers fiddled with Finn’s belt buckle and opened him up. He was tense and hard. Poe was slow at first, then he took all of it in his mouth. It was painfully perfect. 

“Hggh…” Finn heaved. He used one wobbly arm to support himself on the log, but his free hand was shaking as he ran the fingers in Poe’s hair. It was a feeling like nothing else. The crude jokes he’d heard before didn’t prepare him for this feeling. It wasn’t crude at all. Before he knew it he had a blissful release. 

Poe coughed and he pulled off, trying to swallow what he could, but ultimately spitting some on the ground. He wiped his mouth with his wrist to the sleeve of his shirt. He watched Finn breathing hard and wipe his sweaty brow. 

“Wow…” Finn sighed. When he sat up and saw Poe, his heart fluttered, but he quickly zipped up his trousers. He looked beautiful, all aglow in a way Finn hadn’t ever seen. He assumed he looked disheveled. Poe nervously smiled.

“Man, I’m so tired. And drunk.” Finn gaffed. “I should go to bed, more training tomorrow, ya’know.”  
Poe stared at the ground, his stomach sinking. 

“We should go to bed.” Finn chuckled nervously.   
“Yeah. I might stay here for a bit.” Poe turned around and stared into the fire.   
“Alright. Goodnight.” Finn stood, straightening his clothes.  
“Goodnight.” Poe was holding the empty bottle. When he heard Finn’s footsteps fade away, he threw the bottle into the fire with a growl. The glass shattered on the rocky bottom of the pit and sent large embers into the air. 

“Stupid, stupid… I’m stupid.” He sighed. His stomach was churning, his eyes getting red and hot. He leaned forward feeling faint, he couldn’t hold back from vomiting. He flipped over in the sand, clutching his stomach. If he looked at the stars, he wouldn’t cry. 

-

Finn tossed and turned all night. When he saw the faint glow of dawn he slipped out of his tent and wandered to the communications console. He and Rey had talked some about getting more students in passing. It would be a good way to put distance between them and it would take away all his time so he wouldn’t have to confront Poe. 

He rubbed his eyes and set up the holocron. 

“To whom it may concern, the jedi are alive, and we want anyone who feels they can live up to that name to join us. I’ve attached the coordinates to our school. May the Force be with you.” He cleared his throat and typed in the coordinates and pressed send. There’s no way this could backfire, right? He thought.

-

Poe slept like a rock and woke up with a pounding headache when Connix came and kicked the bottom of his cot. 

“You smell like a bantha herder.” She pursed her lips.   
“Uhh, five more minutes.” He covered his eyes.   
“Nope, it’s noon and we need you.” She kicked the bed again.   
“What’s so pressing that you need me right away.”   
“The usual. But there’s been reports of ghost ships near our system.”   
“Oh… Okay, fine.” Poe rolled off the cot and hopped to his feet.   
“After this, shower.” Connix rolled her eyes as they walked out. 

Midday was muggy and hot. You could see small swarms of bugs flying all around, brought on by the rain yesterday. The moment he stepped into the sunlight, Poe felt sweat on his back. 

“One of our freighters spotted this ship on the edge of our system.” Connix pointed at the monitor. “Like the ship reports from other systems, this one was hailed but no response, after scanning for lifeforms or droid signatures, nothing was found.”

“So just like the ones earlier this month.” Poe rubbed his temples, it was too early, too hot for this.   
“Yes, General.”   
Poe grimaced.  
“Let’s send a reconnaissance crew to check it out and do a perimeter of our system. We don’t wanna risk a fleet.” Poe trailed off when he saw Finn walking through the hanger, BB8 rolling behind him. They made eye contact briefly and suddenly Poe realized that last night was real and it made him sick. Finn caught himself looking and turned to walk faster. 

“You know what, I’ll do it myself. You have another general.” Poe slammed the control panel.   
“BB8!” He shouted. With a chirp BB8 came barreling back to him, Finn turned to see where he’d gone, but kept walking. 

“Let’s get the ship going, okay.” He slapped the top of BB8’s head and went to suit up. 

“Poe, General, it could be dangerous. Besides, you don’t look good.” Connix came running after him. 

“Better me than someone else. I’m not putting anyone in danger again.” Poe held her shoulder. “It’ll be easy, just talk to… Finn.” 

-

Rose watched Poe storm into the hanger. She’d been working on fuel line repairs all morning. Jannah had been with her a few times, bringing her tea and chatting. It was nice to have a friend.

“Poe?” She pulled off her work gloves and rolled off her work stool.   
He abruptly stopped and searched around for her voice. 

“Is everything okay?” She finally reached him.   
“Yes, I’m just doing a perimeter on the system.”  
“Why you?” Rose asked.  
“Ah, I think it’d be easier if I did, plus I’m dying to get off this humid rock.”   
“I understand.” She wipes her brow and smiled at him. 

“How’s Finn? I never see him anymore. Always training with Rey, I guess.” She sighed.  
“I wouldn’t know.”   
“Oh, okay.”   
“Rose… it’ll be okay.” He squeezed her shoulder. He was right, she wanted to move on she just needed the right push. 

“Thank you Poe.”   
“I have to go if I wanna be back before tomorrow. How’s my x-wing, I’ve been so busy…”   
“She’s good, just checked the fuel lines.” Rose saluted.   
“Don’t know what we’d do without.” Poe patted her on the back as he moved towards his ship. BB8 was chirping impatiently. 

“Yeah, yeah, we’re burning starlight.” 

-

Finn broke into a cold sweat when he saw Poe earlier. His chest felt like it was squeezing into his throat. He’d never felt this anxiety before. He both desperately wanted to see and talk to Poe again, but he was petrified at the idea of it. 

When he saw him in his flying jumpsuit, he wanted to run towards him, but his legs felt like lead. 

“Please come back.” He whispered. He couldn’t afford for Poe to leave him too.

-

“I’m fine, why are you asking?” Poe snapped at BB8 as they pushed through the heavy atmosphere. BB8 gave a low and long chirp.  
“No, everything is fine, I’m just relieved to be off that planet for a bit.” 

He could make a run for it? Run spice? No, no, that’s dumb. He thought. He prepped the ship to make its initial jump to the far edge of the Ajara system. 

As he zipped through the space he scanned for all beacons and binaries. Nothing, just dead space. He made a jump to the other side where the abandoned ship was spotted. 

It was still there, floating, dark and adrift on a vast sea. BB8 beeped nervously.  
“Spooky eh?” Poe did another scan for lifeforms. Nothing.

“Getting any readings BB?” Poe asked. BB8 replied negatively.   
“Alright, I’m gonna pull in closer and see what’s up inside.”

As he approached it was clear that the ship was in fact deserted. It was a rather small freighter, nothing fancy. It looked worn down and scraped up, not from any fights though. He moved around and found the registration number. 

“Hey, BB, you see that registration number, see if you can run it for me. Get me an origin point.”   
In return BB8 scanned the ship’s code. He responded in a no-go.

“I guess we’ll have to look it up back on base.” Poe set the coordinates back to base. It made him nauseous to see the planet again but he toughed it out and made his descent. 

At base he ran the number with Connix.  
“ME-025BB. Looks like it was registered on Mos Eisley about ten years ago.”  
“Got any info on the owners?” Poe looked over the specs of the ship.   
“No, just the make and model.”  
“Do we know what It’s last docking was?”   
“My guess is that it’s a smuggling vessel.” Rose has popped up behind them.

“I’d see these things a lot as a kid, they’d come and smuggle ore off my planet for various crime bosses, under the noses of the First Order.” She pressed the screen to show a cross section of the craft.  
“See, perfect pockets for stolen goods.” Her voice sounded cold. “Probably just a gang war.”

-

Over the evening into the next day, the two men did everything to avoid each other. Finn would spend hours “meditating.” And Poe buried himself in work. They’d just started construction on more permanent structures. 

Finn couldn’t control his power and it rained the entire day. Effectively halting construction, much to the dismay of Poe. 

He felt bad letting the rain fall but he didn’t know how to stop it. The silence between the two was killing him. Since they met they’d barely spent a day apart. It made Finn’s heart ache. But he was afraid of what direction they might go. Would they ignore what happened a few nights before and continue their friendship with this unspoken bantha in the room. Or would they never speak again, living on the edges of each other’s lives. Or the most daunting scenario, would they be lovers. Finn thought being apart forever would be the safest option, but he couldn’t bear the thought of it. 

After some thought, he decided on his first thought. To start their friendship over and try to ignore their feelings. Maybe see where it’d lead.

The next morning was sunny and humid. The sunshine made the cold dew from the previous rain evaporate off the vegetation creating a fine mist. Perhaps this was reflective of Finn’s feelings. Hopeful and renewed. 

The morning passed into a hot noon and still no sign of Poe. Maybe he should abandon plan A and move to plan B, become strangers, Finn thought. But his heart jumped into his throat when he saw Poe marching out of the new structure with Connix and a few other captains. Morning meetings Finn presumed. 

He sat and waited by the hanger for Poe to pass by, too afraid to confront him. He held two broken broom handles. 

Poe paused briefly before stepping towards Finn when he saw him talking to himself on an old tree stump. Poe too had rehearsed a speech for Finn. He was ready to move forward and forget everything before. Finn was the only refuge from the horrible monotony of general duties. 

“Finn-“ “Poe.” Finn cut him off.   
“I just-“ “I just wanted to ask you…” Finn chuckled, Poe nervously laughed as well.   
“Sorry, you go first.” Poe gestured.  
“No, no, you.”  
“Seriously, you.” Poe spoke.   
“Oh okay… um, I was wondering if you wanted to just move on?”  
“I’d love that.” Poe lied.   
“Oh… cool.” Finn felt hurt for some reason, but he remembered the broomsticks in his hands.  
“What are those for?” Poe smiled and pointed.   
“What? Oh yeah, uh, I was wondering if you wanted to help me spare. I wanna do something other than meditation, but I don’t have a saber… so, yeah.” Finn couldn’t hold eye contact.

“Oh, sure.” Poe said.  
“I know you probably don’t know what to do with it, but it’s okay because neither do I.” Finn chuckled. “I know a clearing in the woods that’s perfect.”   
“Lead the way.” Poe raised his hand out to the woods. His hand was shaking.

They huffed their way through the jungle on a narrow muddy trail. Poe trailing far behind Finn. 

“I really need to get back into shape.” Poe puffed as they reached the clearing. He leaned against a tree, his legs were burning. 

“Aw, you did great.” Finn handed him one of the sticks. Poe smirked as he pulled it out of Finn’s hand. Their fingers grazed and it made Poe shudder, finally able to catch his breath. 

They moved to the center of the clearing and pressed the tips of the sticks together, moving closer together till their mock-sabers were crossed. Poe could smell Finn’s breath, caf and the minty leaves he’d chew on to hide his caf addiction. Poe wanted to laugh, but they started to move again. 

They made slow and easy movements that began to speed up. Finn was almost shocked at Poe’s ability to deflect his blows. Of course Poe didn’t come towards Finn, he was holding back. 

“Dang, you’re good at this?” Finn huffed.   
“Pilot.” Poe smiled. Finn cocked his head.  
“Good hand-eye coordination.” Poe shrugged. He took Finn’s moment of distraction to rebuff his onslaught. He used his forearms to push Finn off. It sent Finn stumbling backwards. He couldn’t stop falling. When Poe came at him again, he backed up into a tree causing a shooting pain. 

“Poe!” He screamed. A dark memory danced in front of his eyes. He saw a dark figure marching towards him. He thought he’d forgotten this memory. But here it was, fresh as new fallen snow, like the snow he saw running with blood. With Ren’s blood, with his blood. He saw the red glow of the saber and felt the splitting pain of the blow. He screamed again.

The image faded as he saw Poe drop the broomstick and slowly approach him. Finn felt like he couldn’t catch his breath. His chest was tight with fear and he was shaking uncontrollably. Poe went down to his knees and wrapped his arms around Finn to stop the shaking. 

It scared Poe to see Finn like this. He held Finn’s head to his chest and let him dry-sob against him. He rocked them back and forth. 

Finn’s breathing became less labored and he held onto Poe. Squeezing his torso and burying his face in the nape of Poe’s neck. Rubbing his eyes into his shoulder. 

A new vision came to Finn. This time he saw himself. It was an out of body vision. He was in the hospital ward again, comatose. He heard a small voice in the back of his mind. The vision grew more clear and he saw Poe sitting by his bed. He couldn’t tell what he was saying, but he saw it play over and over again til he saw Poe bent over his semi-lifeless body and whisper close to his ear. The vision faded. 

All Finn saw was Poe’s face. He looked worried.   
“Hey, hey… what’s wrong? What happened.” Poe asked. Finn stared at him in awe. He was dripping with sweat and his eyes were red rimmed.   
“I’m sorry I was too rough… I’m sorry.” Poe squeezed his arm.

“You came to my hospital? When I almost died?”  
“Yeah why?”  
“I remember someone speaking, I guess I always imagined Rey. But it was you. Everyday.” Finn studied his face. He looked confused. Finn held both sides of Poe’s face, tilting him up as Finn straightened. He pulled Poe into a long and firm kiss that melted into warmth and softness. Poe held Finn’s neck and kissed him feverishly. They paused to catch their breath. Both held each other’s heads up with their foreheads pressed together.

“I guess this means… we don’t have to pretend anymore?” Poe said, panting.   
“Yeah,” Finn breathed. It was still intimidating to imagine where this would go, but Finn ignored that thought and went with the wind that kicked up around them. He kissed Poe again. Was this love? He knew that Poe loved him and that’s a start. 

Their intimacy was cut short when they heard someone running towards them. It was Connix, stumbling her way through the trees. 

“General, we have a situation…” she paused when she saw them holding each other. “Uh, yeah, um there’s something that needs urgent attention. I’m sorry, I’m sorry? Was I interrupting something?” She covered her face. 

“No it’s fine.” Poe helped Finn off the ground.  
“What’s going on?”   
“We have some unexpected visitors. A lot of them.” She motioned with her hands. “We’re overwhelmed. Some are saying something about the Jedi?” She shrugged.   
“Uh oh.” Finn whispered causing Poe to turn around and give him a wide eyed stare. 

“We need to get Rey back here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave and comment and a kudos


	9. Lightsaber

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn and Poe immediately hit troubled waters. Rey returns to a chaotic scene on Ajan. Ben contemplates a dark memory while trying to teach Beka. Ben and Rey mirror their saber experiences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING - Implied suicide attempt (scroll from "15 years ago" in parenthesis to "Back on Tatooine" to avoid this content. 
> 
> Short chapter, sorry for being gone so long, midterms suck.

All the people talking at once were making Finn’s spin. Mothers holding up their small children to him pleading for him to take them. It made him sick. 

“Hey! Hey!” Poe tried shouting over the crowd. He finally parted his lips with his fingers and made a shrill whistle. The roar quieted. 

“Can anyone tell me why you’re all here? Where are you from?” Poe shouted. 

“We heard there were Jedi here!” “I heard this place was safe!” “Our children are special!” “We need protection!” “We’re from everywhere!” “If this is the Resistance, where’s General Organa?” An old man in the front stomped his cane. 

He looked practically ancient. Long stringy white hair and a greasy beard, deep wrinkles, and dark varicose veins.   
“General Organa is no longer with us… but I’m Poe…” “My dear princess.” The old man interrupted and raised his fist to his heart. “Alderaanians are all but extinct now.” He sighed. 

Poe felt his heart sink. How was he supposed to live up to Leia’s legacy and leadership?   
“As I was saying, my name is Poe Dameron and I’m the General of the Resistance, as is my friend, Finn.” He pointed to Finn.  
“He’s the one that sent the message!” A woman shouted. Poe’s eyes widened and his surprise pierced through Finn. 

“Well, whatever the reason you’re here for is null at the moment. We have limited resources right now, so if you want to stay, you have to pitch in. We need helpers to keep working on more permanent structures and we need help getting gardens up and running.” Poe broke his pause. There were a few whispers in the crowd. 

“We can take in your sick and elderly, but everyone else must help or leave,” Poe said. There was a tinge of anger in his voice, it made Finn’s chest tight. There were more whisperings. 

“General, I think you can handle this then?” Poe slapped Finn’s shoulder before storming to the communication station. Finn gulped as the crowd shifted their focus to him. 

“Are you sure he’s a Jedi, he doesn’t look like one?” “He doesn’t look like a general either.” Some whispered. 

“Um, well you all heard him… we need able-bodied men to help with construction, so uh, a show of hands please.” Finn shyly lifted his hands. Slowly some hands emerged in the crowd. This would take a while. 

-

The Falcon landed with a cough and clunk in the hanger. Finn was already sprinting towards the ship as Rey emerged. She was immediately enveloped by humidity that broke her out into a sweat. She should’ve taken off Ben’s cloak, but she didn’t want to. Not yet, not ever. 

“What’s going on Finn?” Rey stepped off the ramp as he approached. He held his knees to catch his breath in the thick wet air of the hanger.

“I’m, I’m sorry… I just thought it’d be good, good to have more students.” He huffed. “But now we’re all overwhelmed with refugees.” 

Rey stood a bit shocked, trying to process what he’d said. 

“Rey, please say something. I’m sorry, I just need help.” He straightened up, glimpsing the unchanged Falcon. She’d lied. He let that thought go. It didn’t matter, right? 

“Finn, I don’t know what to say… I will help, but I don’t know where to begin.” She lifted her hands and shrugged her shoulders. “How many are there?” She asked.

“Oh, uh, a lot.”   
“How many?”  
“20 at the least.” He flinched. “At least those I could feel something with, the Force and all.”   
“Oh, wow… okay. Well take me to them I guess.”   
Finn nodded and held out his hand. She didn’t take it, so he turned around to lead them out. 

-

“Aren’t you hot?” Finn said as they trekked through the brush to the clearing where the students waited.   
“What do you mean?” Rey stared at all the new encampments. Her forehead poured with sweat.   
“The cloak.” Finn tugged gently at it.   
“Oh… It’s fine.” She kept walking. She was warm but she was holding out. 

“Did you get it in Corellia?” He asked.   
“Uh, no, I just found it. On the Falcon.” She sputtered. He decided not to push her but it weighed on him. He knew she was lying, he felt it in the Force. 

They’d reached an assortment of small children to almost elderly adults, from humans to twi’leks. They all sat on fallen trees and mossy boulders. 

“Alright everyone, this is master Rey. She’s taught me everything I know so far, and she’s gonna help me again to teach all of you.” Finn pointed with his hand to her. Her already flushed cheeks burned a brighter red. 

“When do we get to use the swords?” A boy asked. He wore nicer clothes than everyone there. “My dad told me they can cut through anything.” He smirked. 

“Uh, that’s pretty advanced, Trace.” Finn stepped forward. The boy crossed his arms and frowned. Rey could feel the Force energy that swirled in the air, it was stronger than the normal background Force she normally felt. 

“Well, I think we should start with some meditation and some breathing exercises.” She spoke. “And maybe some one-on-one training.” She nodded to Finn. 

“Okay, who’s ready for a hike?” Finn clapped his fists. The group groaned but began to slowly follow Finn and Rey to the cliff. As they trudged through the woods, a tiny girl in a long raggedy dress, tugged on Rey’s tunic and cloak. Rey turned around, stopping with the girl as the group moved ahead. 

“What is it?” Rey bent down to eye level with the girl. Her face was grimy with sweat and possibly soot from a mine or fire pit. She reached out a closed fist, waiting for Rey to open her hand. 

The little girl pressed a sharp object into her palm. When the girl lifted her hand away, Rey saw a milky white crystal in her hand. It pulsed with a soft energy.  
“It’s a Jedi rock.” The girl squeaked. “My dad had it, he got it from my grandpa.” Her eyes filled with tears. Rey squeezed the crystal and pulled the child into a long hug until they both became too hot. 

“Thank you. I will take good care of it.” Rey was sincere as she gently squeezed the girl’s arm before standing up. The little girl smiled and walked down the path towards the camps. She’d come back to Rey when she was ready to. Rey could feel it. 

-

Leo had Ben do odd jobs for him. Fixing the roof, plastering cracks, and carrying ungodly amounts of water. Leo would sit on the stoop with his grandma, selling their wares while drinking sweetened milk. Ben tried not to get frustrated, he wasn’t there for Leo’s sake. Beka has taken to following him around, neglecting her chores and school work Lo gave her. 

“How do you build a sword? A lightsaber I mean.” She questioned, sitting in the shade as he scrubbed the grout on the tiny patio in the back of their home. 

“Well, you need a kyber crystal.” Ben cracked his tight knuckles and plunged the scrubbing brush into the sudsy water. 

“What’s that?” Beka cocked her head.   
“It’s what makes the blade. A conduit for the user’s force energy.” He sat back. The sun was relentless. “It’s almost alive. It grows and bleeds.” He winced. 

“Wow!” She smiled. “Where do you get them?”   
“All across the galaxy.”   
“Is there some here?”  
“Maybe.”  
“We should find some.”  
“Too dangerous.” Ben went back to scrubbing. He scrubbed so hard her voice began to fade into the background. He became lost in his mind 

-

(15 years earlier on Yavin IV)

Ben went into the woods beyond the temple, his eyes were welled with tears. Small sobs would sometimes escape. He almost tripped over the underbrush and he trekked further into the dark forest. He stopped at a huge toppled log and climbed on top. 

He heaved trying to catch his breath, choking on sobs. 

***  
“Disgusting.” The most distinguishable voice among the constant background whispers uttered.   
***  
He’d finally caught his breath. He drew his lightsaber off his belt and squeezed it in his lap. He remembered climbing the mountain with Luke to find the crystal inside. He remembered Luke squeezing his shoulder tight as he melded with the kyber. It drew a flash of many colors and it worried Luke. Ben could feel his anxiety. This memory made him fill up with anxiety again. They were all afraid of him. 

Too afraid to teach him. Too afraid to talk to him. Too afraid of his strange and flat affect. Or simply too busy to notice. Like his mom or uncle, his master. His father didn’t know anything and made an effort to ignore it all. He hadn’t seen him in ages, they used to be so close. The only one who seemed vested in him was that decrepit voice in his head. It’s been with him for as long as he remembered. Taunting him and praising him. He could stand it or the incessant whispers and screams. He wanted it all to stop. 

He gripped the hilt till his knuckles ached. A tear fell onto his fist. He took a deep breath and held up the saber. He pressed the emitter into the bottom of his chin, tilting it towards his skull. His breaths were deep but he drew little oxygen from them. His chest was tight with anxiety. 

***  
“Do it. Be a weak child.” The gross voice taunted. “You don’t have the strength do you?” The voice chimed above the worsening screams.   
***  
His breathing became labored as he traced the activator with his thumb. The voices were so loud. Cheering him forward. He put a tiny pressure against it but was cut short of activating when he heard a non-disembodied voice call out to him. 

“Ben!” It was Tai. “Ben, where’d you go?” He struggled through the woods. He carried a small lantern filled with firebugs. 

Ben threw the saber away from him, it landed softly in a bed of needles. 

***  
“Weak.”   
***

“I’m, I’m over here…” Ben choked on his words.   
Tai came bounding towards him. He gently set the lantern on the forest floor in front of Ben. He almost lost his balance trying to mount the log. Ben could feel his warmth permeating the air between them. 

“Hey, are you okay?” Tai nudged him with his shoulder. He looked down and saw the glint of Ben’s saber on the ground. He shuddered briefly.

“I saw you arguing with your uncle… Master Luke.”   
“I don’t even remember what about.” Ben gasped trying not to cry and he held his face.   
“I’m sorry Ben.” Tai put his hand on Ben’s back. He was shaking like a branch. 

“Do you wanna talk about it?”   
“No…” Ben whispered.  
“Do you want me to holo your mother?”   
“No!” Ben sat up. “I mean, please don’t. I don’t want to worry her.”   
“Well you worry me,” Tai cut him off.   
“I’m sorry.”   
“Don’t be.” 

Tai bent over and pulled up Ben’s saber.   
“Gotta be careful with these things.” Tai felt the weight of the hilt. It was unnaturally heavy.  
“I nearly chopped my hand off trying to clean mine the other day.” He chuckled and nudged Ben who gave a halfhearted chuckle in return. Ben went to reach for the hilt but Tai pulled it away at the last second. He stared down Ben. The dim glow of the lantern made their eyes glint. 

“Hey, it’s gonna be okay,” Tai said inches from Ben’s face.   
“Yeah,” Ben sighed. Tai handed him the hilt, to which Ben immediately latched back to his belt. 

Tai rocked against Ben as they sat silently. They both knew that each other knew what was going to happen before Tai arrived, but neither acknowledged it.

Ben’s hands were balled up, clinging to the bottom of his tan tunic. Tai pressed his hand on top of Ben’s, who slowly opened his hand and their fingers slipped together. They remained quiet until the bugs in the lantern began to flicker out. 

In that moment, it was okay.

-

(Back on Tatooine) 

After viciously scrubbing the grout, Ben elected to leave for the day. He sped into the desert feeling off. When he turned in for the night he held his mother’s saber. Tracing the fine details of it and contemplating why his mother never told him about her training. 

He turned down the light and went to sleep. 

-

(Meanwhile on Ajan Kloss) 

Rey tucked away the Skywalker saber and withdrew the milky crystal from her pouch. 

In the privacy of her tent, she placed the crystal on the worn mat in front of her. The mat was littered with broken pieces of her staff. It’s been her trusted weapon on Jakku, so it would no doubt serve her well as a saber. 

She took a deep breath and hovered her hand above the crystal. She felt the energy of the room come to a standstill before focusing completely on her hand and then the crystal. A cool glow began to grow brighter than the flimsy lantern of her tent. Flashes of brilliant blue and green danced in her eyes, almost too bright to stay open. 

She shrieked when the crystal gave a flash of red. She couldn’t stop now. He refocused her energy and kept going. 

The red grew cool and flashed with green before stopping at a soft yellow. The rest of the staff pieces began to float up into the air. She squeezed her eyes shut and let her mind pull all the pieces together. She opened her eyes when she felt a warm metal object drop into her hand. 

All the excess energy had blown out her lantern so she sat, marveling her weapon in the dark. She instinctively flicked the activator, watching the crystal inside spin with flashes of color. The blade came out in a bar of brilliant gold. The light was like the sun. Her face brimmed with joy. She couldn’t wait to tell Ben.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heavy stuff here sorry. I've always seen Ben as being afflicted with a type of schizophrenia or schizotypal personality ie the flat affect and voices. I wanted Ben to still struggle with his past, the same as Rey. I often pour my experiences with mental illness and abuse into Ben. If you don't think Ben was an abuse victim or mentally ill, we can't be friends. 
> 
> Tai is a canon character from the Rise of Kylo Ren comic that came out last year and ended this year. They are shown to have a close relationship. I'm team "Bi-lo Ren"


	10. Thorns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Finn mend their relationship. Ben grows closer to Beka's family as they steer towards crisis. Rose finds new love. And Rey learns strange news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for vomit. There will be two chapters and an epilog left. 
> 
> Please comment and left a kudos :)

Finn felt a horrible thought nagging on his stomach. It’d been a few days since Rey was back, but she never talked about her trip. She was barely talking to him at all. He recalled that the Falcon had a ship log. He felt the urge to look at it. Did she really go to Corellia? 

He flipped onto his side in the narrow cot. He grunted as he pulled up and out. He cursed at himself as he stumbled into the wet and heavy night. It was slightly raining, big drops that made him shiver. 

The hanger was deserted except for an attendant asleep at his post. Finn crept past him and rushed to the Falcon. 

The cockpit came alive as he stepped inside. A friendly greeting of twinkling lights and hums. He slumped into the worn seat and touched through the small dash computer for the travel log. 

It felt like centuries for it to load. The most recent trip was to Ajan. But he scrolled back and saw the destination before it. Tatooine. He shook, he couldn’t explain why. His mind racked with the possibilities. 

“Jawas.” He exclaimed. Jawas were parts traders. He had brief calm until he remembered that the Falcon had no repairs at all. His stomach knotted. 

“Just let it go.” He whispered to himself. He didn’t have to feel this way. He and Poe, but he was worried he lost him after his fumble with all the new visitors. Poe has been dodging him for the last few days. 

He climbed out of the ship and nearly tripped over Rose who was snooping around the ship. 

“Woah! Sorry? Whatcha doing?”   
“Just my patrols ya know.” She patted the taser on her hip. Good old Rose. 

“Also I saw you and I guess I wanted to see what you were doing, sorry.”  
“No, it’s all good. Just like how we met, huh?” He chuckled.   
“Yeah, haha, I promise not to tase you this time.”   
“Thank goodness.”

“So what were you doing on the Falcon?” She cut to the chase.   
“Ah just seeing if Rey got any new parts for it. Still looks pretty rough.”  
“You like her.”  
“What? No, I care about her sure, but…” he stopped. “I mean I did.”   
“I figured. She’s so cool I think I liked her before too.” Rose didn’t mean to admit that out loud. 

“Oh, that’s cool.” He was surprised.   
“Yeah, but it looks like she doesn’t like either of us.” She said.   
“Yeah.” Finn scratched the back of his neck.   
“But it’s fine. Been hanging out with Jannah a lot. She’s teaching me ancient Endorian medicine. Never know when you’ll run out of bacta spray.”   
“Well, I’ll be sure to talk to you when I have a headache.” 

Rose smiled, she thought back to the tincture she made with Jannah a day ago. 

-

(One day earlier) 

With sweat pouring down their faces, Jannah and Rose clawed their scraped hands into the cliffside. Their hands slapped the top of the Mesa as they pulled themselves up. The wind was cool on their glistening skin. 

Jannah breathlessly pointed at a brush full of thorny plants with vibrant blue Ajan roses. 

“Their thorns make a good powder for migraines.” Jannah approached the bush and thumbed a bright red thorn. She knew so much and Rose was eager to learn. 

“Well Rose, do you like roses?” Jannah plucked a full blue and fragrant blossom. Rose smiled and breathed deeply. It smelled of honey and sugar. 

“I hadn’t ever seen them until we joined the resistance, my sister and I.” Rose paused and touched her smelt pendant. “Mama talked about them, she’d seen one the day I was born. At least that’s what she told me.” Rose took the flower. She caressed the soft petals before slowly pulling them out. They fluttered in the breeze. She threw down the naked bud before pulling out her pocket knife. She fell to her needs on the moss and started to scrape off the thorns. 

Jannah chuckled. “Rose, you can just cut off the stems and we’ll do that at camp.” She cut a long stem. 

“Oh, okay.” Rose switched her efforts to chop at the slender sticks. Jannah watched her intensity as her baby hairs broke free from her bun in the wind. She couldn’t help but sweep some back behind Rose’s ear. Rose stopped. She turned slowly. 

“Thank you.”  
“For what?” Jannah asked.  
“For just being here with me.” Rose wiped her brow. Jannah scooted closer. She grazed Rose’s cheek with the back of her finger. 

Rose released the tension in her shoulders and turned to Jannah. Jannah smiled, Rose loved the little gap in her teeth. 

“Can I kiss you?” Jannah whispered with the wind.   
“You may.” Rose’s heart began to pound. The edges of Jannah’s soft curls tickled rose as Jannah pressed her lips to Rose’s. 

Rose smiled through the entire soft kiss. It was her second kiss and ten times better than the first. It’s better when they kiss you back. Her pounding heart melted. 

-

Finn headed back to his tent feeling a bit sick. He stopped momentarily at Poe’s barrack. To touch him would be a relief, but he was worried that Poe was still mad at him. He’d become so hard to read. He took a deep breath as he entered. 

There were four bunks in the room and Finn had no idea which one Poe was in. He crept slowly as his eyes adjusted to the dark. He saw tufts of dark hair and tiptoed towards the sleeping man. He gently pressed down on the shoulder of the man on the top bunk. 

“Poe…”   
“Ehh?” An unrecognizable creature flipped over and gave him a half-asleep glare.   
“Kriff, sorry.” Finn whisper-screamed.   
“Finn?” A long voice yawned. He saw someone sit up in the neighboring bunk.   
“Sorry. I’ll go,” Finn whispered.  
“Come back,” Poe whispered loudly. 

Finn moved around the bunk to get to Poe, nearly tripping on a pair of boots. He leaned against Poe’s bed. 

“Hey.” Poe laid down at Finn’s level. Fin could barely make out his face.   
“Hi,” Finn whispered. “Can we be together again?”   
Poe was silent.   
“We were never apart.”  
“I thought you were mad at me?”   
“No, I just was overwhelmed with everything.”  
“I’m sorry,” Finn choked.   
“It’s okay.”

“Shut up!” A voice hushed them. Finn was startled, but Poe held the back of his neck and pulled him into a sleepy kiss.   
“C’mon.” Poe pulled on Finn’s collar and scooted to make room. Finn smiled as he awkwardly crawled into the bed, kicking off his boots in the process. 

Poe tossed over on his side with his back to Finn. Finn scouted up dangerously close and wrapped his arm under Poe’s armpit. Poe squeezed Finn’s hand and pulled it up to kiss the knuckles. He pressed up against Finn and fell asleep almost immediately. 

Finn let his anxiety drift away as he too settled into sleep. 

-

Rey awoke with the chirping of birds and the sun coming through her waxy cloth tent roof. She smiled and turned onto her back to stretch but then she felt a sharp pain in her stomach. Like thorny vines wrapping around her abdomen. She felt like the room was spinning. 

She dragged herself out of the cot and tripped towards the outside. She stumbled into the morning, retching as she fell onto a mossy rock. She could hold back anymore and finally threw up what was in her empty stomach. The bile burned in her throat as she dry heaved for minutes. 

She sat down on her haunches and wiped her mouth, slimes with vomit. Perhaps she expended too much force energy last night. Or maybe she picked up space sickness. She stumbled back into the tent for her canteen and chugged the whole thing before dressing for the day. The thorns disappeared. 

-

(Meanwhile on Tatooine) 

The inside of the Lo’s flat provided little relief from the scorching outside. Ben could see the sweat from his brow dripping into his eyes. 

Leo came from the back door, looking angrier than usual. Ben couldn’t blame him for his anger, he was the same at that age. Be angry to cover up fear and sadness. 

“We need to fix the water reclaimer again,” he huffed.   
“Alright, good thing I’ve fixed a moisture-“ “I don’t care.”   
Despite his understanding of Leo, Ben had grown tired of his disrespect. Even he was respectful as a child. 

“Leo-“ he was cut off again by Beka’s soft sobs as she rushed past them up the stairs. Were Leo’s anger and her tears connected? His heart sunk as he felt Beka's pain. It sent needles and thorns. 

“What’s going on?” Ben asked.  
“It’s our parents, they should’ve been home a week ago.” Leo’s voice was strained like he was holding something back. Despite his better judgment, Ben felt into his mind and felt the fear. He closed his eyes and eased the fear. Leo’s face softened.

“Never mind, we need to fix this thing soon.” Leo picked up his tool chest and led Ben back into the heat. 

-

“Are you leaving now?” Ben heard Beka behind him as he strapped supplies to the speeder. 

“Yes, before it gets darker.” Ben pulled the last strap and turned to the girl. Her face was red and tired and her hair was more disheveled than usual.

“How are you doing?” Ben moved closer to her.   
“Not good.”  
“I know. I feel it too.”  
She frowned and her stomach grew knots.   
“Didn’t know you could do that.”  
“You can feel strong emotions like that through the Force.” He assured her.   
“Can you read minds?” She asked.  
Ben briefly paused, not sure if he should tell her the truth.

“Yes.”  
“Can you read mine?”   
“I won’t.” He spoke.   
“I think I can read them too.”  
“Really?”  
“Yes, I can tell what my ‘friends’ think of me.” She sighed. “They don’t actually like me, just pity me.” 

“I know the feeling.” Ben ached. He had one good friend in Tai, but that was something he ruined like so many other things.   
“But we’re friends, right?” She asked.  
“Yes.”   
“Good, it’s nice to have a friend. Especially when things are getting dark.” She choked, holding back tears. 

“It’ll be okay.” Ben stood up. Could she sense his half-truth? He’d tried to not get too close to this family but now he felt a sense of responsibility, especially with such uncertainty. 

-

(One week later on Ajan Kloss) 

For the first time in a week, Rey didn’t vomit the second she woke up. The flu was finally subsiding. She geared up and headed into the cool morning. 

-

Poe had taken to spending nights in Finn’s tent rather than the officer barracks. 

They didn’t do anything other than sleep and hold tightly to each other. It felt like a safe harbor in the tempest that was the galaxy. 

When he woke, Finn was already gone, but his warmth still remained. He rolled over onto his stomach to inhale Finn’s scent in the sparse bedding. Smooth sailing. 

-

Rey sat in the shade watching Finn pass out stones for the students to levitate. He spoke with such confidence as he explained what they’d feel. He had started to learn so quickly after overcoming that barrier. They exchanged a smile as Finn came over to her. 

“You’re a natural. A much better teacher than me.”  
“Hey, I learned everything from you first!” Finn sat down next to her.   
“True, but you’ve excelled so much.” She bit her lip. “I have something for you.”

“Really?”  
“Yes, c’mon it’s in the chest.”

They walked past the small circles of students to the heavy chest they’d carried up the hill that morning. Rey crouched and sifted through the box till she found a suede-wrapped object and held it out to Finn.

“Finn you’re my dearest and closest friend. I know things have been different lately, but I want you to know that I wouldn’t be standing here if it weren’t for you.”

Finn stood silently in a slight shock. He gingerly held the package and began to toy with the twine that held it together. His stomach did a flip when he revealed the Skywalker saber. The guilt of the metal was caught in his eye.

“Finn, you are the most loyal friend anyone could have. Even when you don’t understand me, I know you’ll support me.” She waited for him to speak but he remained still.

“I think because of that, you are worthy of this heirloom.” Leia and Luke had given it to her and now it was her gift to give, and if anyone deserved it, it was Finn. 

“I don’t know what to say.” Finn was reluctant to actually touch the hilt. He hadn’t in over a year, not since Starkiller. “Thank you, Rey.” His fingertips grazed the metal but he pulled them quickly away when he saw a flash of the snow and blood and heard the bitter crackle of a broken saber. 

“Are you okay?” Rey noticed his sudden silence and a blank stare.   
“Yes, I just hope it’ll work out better this time.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“I mean, last time I used this I almost died.” 

Rey gulped. “I’m sorry, I just-“   
“No, it’s amazing Rey, thank you.” Finn pulled her into a tight hug. That’s when Rey felt the sharpness in her stomach. She ripped herself from Finn and stumbled as far as she could before spilling out her breakfast. 

All the students hurried behind Finn. He came and held her shoulders as she gagged. The students stayed back with tepid worry. 

“Hey, hey? Are you okay?”  
“Yeah, I’m fine, just been feeling ill since I came back.”   
“That’s not fine.” Finn helped lift her up as she wiped her mouth. He held his hand to her forehead.  
“You’re a little warm, I’m taking you to the med bay.”  
“No Finn, it’s nothing.”   
“It’s not.” He pulled her.  
“Please, it’s not like I’ve never been sick before.”  
“Well let me at least let me take you to Jannah and get something for the nausea.”

She let Finn lead her to Jannah’s hut. Rose was there and immediately jumped up to help Finn. 

“I’m telling you I’m fine. It’s just space sickness. Finn, go back and finish the lesson, this won’t take long.” Finn didn’t want to argue.

“Space sickness eh? For how long?” Jannah moved closer to touch her forehead. “No temp.”

“A little over a week, maybe two.”  
“Never lasts that long, darling.” Jannah went to rifle through her supplies.

“How’s your appetite?”  
“Fine, normal, I guess better than usual.”   
“When do you usually get sick.”  
“Mornings.”  
“Ah ah.” Jannah pulled out a tiny blue tincture bottle. “This should help the nausea.” 

“That’s it?”  
“No, you probably want to go to the med bay.”  
“Why?”   
Jannah cocked her head. Rose kept flipping her gaze between them.   
“Because you’re probably pregnant.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, she is lol


	11. Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey confirms her pregnancy and is scared of what will happen when Finn finds out. She hasn't even started to consider what will happen when Ben finds out. 
> 
> Ben risks everything to save Beka, and his reputation catches up to him. He deals with holding back the Kylo Ren beneath his skin as he struggles with rage. Unbeknownst to him, someone has told the resistance. Worlds begin to collide.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNINGS: Implied child abuse, semi-graphic depictions of violence, and pregnancy mentions
> 
> This is the second to last chapter (which will be followed by an epilogue). It's been awesome and I'm going to write a sequel to this called "A New Order" More details to follow. :)

“What? How can you tell?” Rey was shocked.  
“I know the signs, I had to learn them when we were on our own, my battalion. Plus, you’re glowing.” Jannah crossed her arms.

“You should still go to the med bay to be sure.”  
“What, no? I can’t, I don’t want anyone to know.” Rey’s voice grew quiet. She turned to Rose, who was troublingly silent. 

“Rose, it’s not.” Rose nodded before she could finish.  
“But you can’t tell him. I can’t tell anyone.”

“Well if you check with medical then you’ll tell in a minute, but if you’re late in a week you’ll know.” Jannah hugged Rey’s stiff frame. “Congratulations.”  
“Yeah Rey, who's it? I mean if you are…” Rose asked.  
“I can’t say.” Rey felt like fainting, but Rose and Jannah guided her to sit on a trunk. “Finn will never forgive me.” She whispered. She wrapped her arms around her stomach. 

“Well, I won’t say anything.”  
“Yeah, I won’t either.” Rose and Jannah assured her.  
“There are options…” Jannah spoke.  
“No, no it’s fine. I’ll figure it out.” Rey stood up.

-

Rey only paced in her tent for the rest of the day until her feet hurt. She lay down on the narrow cot staring at the stars through the small hole in her tent. 

She rested her hands on her stomach and put herself through the tent hole in an exercise of meditation. Her anxious heart began to settle as she breathed. She felt the smallest ember in the force next to her light. There was relief now instead of fear.

(2 Weeks Later) 

It was official now to Rey as her time came and went and now she was late. Despite moments of relief she was still plagued by debilitating anxiety, not to mention the constant morning sickness. The tincture Jannah gave her did little to help. 

She stood up in front of the water from the lake she cleaned her face with. She watched her reflection against the backdrop of the cloudy sky.

She pulled up her tunic over her belly. She sucked in her gut then let it fall. She rubbed the lower part. You couldn’t tell now, but what would she do in another month?

“Rey,” she heard Finn’s voice approaching.  
“Uh huh,” she quickly pulled down her clothes to face him. He walked with the suede wrapped saber under his arm. 

“Rey, I can’t thank you enough for this, but…” He stopped. Rey could feel his worry permeate the air. “I just don’t know if I can use this exact saber.”

“Why not?” Rey kept her voice even as to not accuse him.  
“Every time I touch it, I see things.” He paused. “I see visions of Starkiller, of you getting hurt, of him and his blood, and my death.” His eyes became panicked as they grew red with tears. 

Rey’s chest ached as she pulled her friend into a hug.  
“I’m so sorry Finn, I wasn’t thinking.”  
“It’s okay, I know.” 

She missed this tenderness.

“So I was thinking… I was reading one of your Jedi texts and it talked about the crystal inside.” He pulled back from her.

“Maybe we could use this saber’s to make a new one and lay this one to rest.” He was anxious for her thoughts.

“That sounds like a good idea.” She smiled. “We’ll need some supplies for it.”  
“I know exactly what I want to use.”

-

(Meanwhile on Tatooine)

It was late into the evening when Ben made it back to Lo’s flat from getting parts from the Jawas. Lo always sent him saying “he has a way with words,” a sorta coy way of meaning mind tricks. 

He carried the dusty nap sack up to the door when Leo burst through in front of him nearly knocking him over. He had hot tears streaming down his speckled cheeks. 

“You,” He growled.  
“What’s going on?” Ben said before Leo harshly shoved him. Instinctively Ben pushed back sending Leo into the stucco wall. He held up Leo with his forearm. Leo squirmed, but despite losing weight, Ben held him tight.  
“What’s going on?” Ben asked again. Leo finally stopped moving but huffed to breathe. 

“They took her.”  
“Who?”  
“Beka, the stormies took her.”  
“Why? Where’s your grandmother?”  
“She’s catatonic. Please let me go.”

Ben released him. He slid down the wall struggling to catch his breath. 

“They came looking for our folks, and Beka tried to fight them, and since you’ve been putting that Jedi garbage in her mind she thought she could.” He sobbed. “Now they took her to repay our family debt since our parents haven’t returned.”

“Where’d they take her?” Ben asked.  
“The Hutt palace.” 

Ben’s skin crawled. He’d heard the stories and the ones his father told him. 

“I’ll get her.”  
“What? No, you can't, you're just one guy.” Leo stood up.  
“There are things you don’t know about me. I can get her.” Ben gritted his teeth.  
“Well, I’m gonna go with you.” Leo snapped.  
“It’ll be too dangerous.”  
“She’s my sister.” 

Ben nodded.  
“If it goes south, I need you to leave the planet with Lo and you will get help from the Resistance on Ajan Kloss.” He ordered.  
“What about you?” Leo asked.  
“Doesn’t matter, I’ll get her, I promise.” Ben went to get the speeder. “Now show me where to go.”

-

The last bit of sun dipped below the horizon and cast everything in dark purple. The Hutt palace jutted out from the desert. Its pale green lights shown like beacons. 

As Ben and Leo dream bear they could hear the grotesque and disjointed music bellowing into the night. 

“Why did your parents start working for the Hutts? I know you said to protect you, but from what?” Ben felt dumb. 

“They started when I was a baby to keep me from being taken by the First Order for their trooper program.” Leo sighed. “Same with Beka, sure the First Order ruled here, but the Hutts still controlled it, so they were able to pay off the recruitment officers.” 

Ben’s stomach turned. He was a part of the reason for their servitude. It made him nauseated but he kept walking towards the palace. 

Two Gamorreans and two troopers stood guarding the entrance. 

“Hey, what’s your business, pals?” The trooper hissed. The Gamorreans grunted.  
“If anything goes wrong, leave. Take Lo, and leave the planet.” Ben hushed under his breath, Leo didn’t argue. 

“We have a meeting with the Hutts.”  
“Noro the Hutt.” Leo qualified.  
“Yes.”  
“What about?” The trooper wasn’t playing.  
“Trade negotiations.” Ben raised his hand, Leo thought to signify that he didn’t have a weapon until he heard:

“You’re here for the trade negotiations. They’re here for the trade negotiations.” The trooper signaled to the doorman to unlock the gates. 

“Right this way.”

Leo brushed off this as luck. He and Ben were led by the trooper and pushed by a Gamorrean. They came to another vestibule where two more troopers stood. 

“Check these guys for weapons.” Their guide snapped at the others before marching down the hall. Ben was relieved that his spell hadn’t worn off by then. 

The two new troops approached them ready to pat them down. 

“There must be a misunderstanding, you already checked us for weapons.” Ben held up his hands, partially protecting Leo.  
“Oh yeah, we did already check ya out.” The troopers backed off. Leo was shocked but he didn’t say anything till they were being led to the throne room. 

“What did you do to them? I mean you’re clearly packing and I’ve got a knife and all, but…”  
“I’ll tell you later, let’s just hope it sticks.” Ben hushed him. 

The throne room was a vast array from creatures from all over the galaxy. It was loud and the air was hazy with smoke. It smelled strongly of alcohol and piss. Everything felt like it was vibrating. 

At the far end of the room sat a monstrous beast on a sagging throne platform. He was accompanied by a cacophony of slaves and advisors. Behind him sat another of his kind. Much older with clouded eyes, thicker skin secretions, and a wasting body. 

Noro was the grandson of Jabba and he’d taken the head of the family from his own father Rotta. Ben assumed the sick one was in fact, Rotta. 

The crowd was hushed as the troops moved Ben and Leo up to the platform. Noro gave them a dead-eyed stare and gurgled as they approached.

A tall blue twi’lek came to stand beside Noro. His tall forehead was wrapped in greasy leather and he bared his fangs at them. 

“What’s your business humans? Who let you enter?” He hissed making his words longer. The room grew silent as the music stopped. 

“I came to bargain for my friend you took,” Ben spoke up. Noro bubbled and wheezed.  
“He asked who do you seek?” The twi’lek gritted.  
“A girl, a young girl, daughter of smugglers for the Hutts.” Ben kept his voice steady. Noro laughed and groaned, waving a heavy excuse for a hand. 

Around the corner, an ugnaught pulled a teary Beka behind him. He took her to stand by the twi’lek. He placed his dirty, blue hand on her shoulder, digging his long into her. 

Ben wanted to scream and kill them all when he saw Beka. She wore a dirty gown and chains on her throat and hands. She had the same thousand-yard stare Ben had when he was beckoned into the woods on Yavin. When he returned to Luke he had no recollection of what had happened. He was violated, Beka was violated. 

“Her, give her back,” Ben said through his teeth. Noro laughed.  
“And who are you to demand that?” The twi’lek smirked. 

Leo felt a heavy pressure in his mind and the word, “Go,” pressed into his consciousness. “Go!” It screamed. Leo backed into the crowd trying to move out of the room. He wanted to go, but he didn’t want to leave Beka. He disappeared into the crowd to watch what would happen. 

“My name is Ben Solo, son of Generals: Leia Organa and Han Solo, and nephew of Luke Skywalker.” Ben bellowed. There were whispers in the crowd. Leo recognized Han’s name, and Noro growled. 

“Leia, slayer of Jabba the Hutt.” Ben shot back.  
Noro roared with anger.  
“He says your mother was very delicious.” The twi’lek cackled and gripped Beka harder. Ben felt an uncontrollable rage building. He pulled out the blaster from under his cloak and aimed squarely at Noro and his minion. They only laughed.  
“And your father still owes us.” The twi’lek growled.

“I don’t want to ask again.” Ben charged the blaster. Shoot to kill. He could see the troopers in the crowd put their hands on their own blasters. 

“By wiping you out I will wipe out his debt and the girl’s debt.” Ben snapped. His face grew darker.

“Hey! I know you!” A trooper removed his helmet and pointed at Ben. “I worked on the Finalizer, you’re Kylo Ren!” The room filled with shocked whispers. 

“The Jedi Killer, leader of the Knights of Ren!” He pulled out his blaster. “Some say he’s the one that killed Snoke!” Ben looked back at Beka, she looked half scared and half angry. Hatred and betrayal. Leo was filled with dread. He’d heard the stories about Ren. His dad told him about a man with a jagged sword of red fire that destroyed ships and dismembered creatures. It made him nauseous and he felt his knees wobble. 

Ben gritted his teeth trying to hold back the anger. 

“Well, my reputation seems to proceed me and you know who I am, I guess your best course of action would be to tread lightly.” His voice turned into a low growl. He could feel hundreds of heartbeats quicken. Kylo Ren smoldered beneath his skin, searing his brain. Ben couldn’t hold on much longer. He saw the twi’lek give the faintest nod. 

Ben felt the drawn blasters and the milliseconds that it took to charge them to fire. In those seconds, Ben dropped his blaster. Everything felt like slow motion as it fell. With a deep breath, he whipped out his lightsaber with lightning speed to deflect the barrage of blasts at him. It made a display of brilliant blue, red, and green. 

He could barely hear the grumble of Noro as the blasts stopped. The twi’lek quickly pulled up a heavy old blaster and sent a blast towards him. Ben stopped it mid-air and curled the force around the twi’lek’s neck. The blast crackled in the air and everyone stood shocked and stunned as the twi’lek gasped for air. Ben could see the fear on Beka’s face. He let the twi’lek go and sent the blast careening into the stone wall. Leo fell dust rain on him from the bolt. Leo now believed in the Force and it scared him. 

Ben heard the older Hutt exclaim over the silence. The twi’lek looked shocked.  
“He says you will be spared because a Jedi once saved him.” 

Rotta grumbled again.  
“Trained by your grandfather, Anakin Skywalker.” The twi’lek said. Rotta coughed. Noro mumbled back. 

“They say you can repay your debt and get the girl if you do us a favor.” The twi’lek motioned for the ugnaught to take Beka. 

“I’m listening.” Ben deactivated the saber, but ready to move at a moment’s notice. Noro spoke in gibberish directly to him.

“You must retrieve two runaways. Convicted murdering thieves that took off with beskar reserves. If you bring back their heads you can leave with the girl and your family debt will be wiped.” The twi’lek pushed Beka into the ugnaught.  
“Where are they?”  
“Will you do it?”  
“Other than killing you all, I suppose I have no other choice.” Ben snapped.  
“We have intel that says they’re trying to ferry a ship in Anchorhead.” The twi’lek groaned. “We will send two troopers with you to make sure you do the job or kill you if you don’t.”

This was the best option if he wanted her back alive. He felt like he might dissolve, just another pawn again. 

“Fine,” Ben hissed. Two troopers came, blasters drawn, to escort him hover speeder. The night became unbearably long. Ben threw his voice in the voice, “I’m coming back, I promise. Don’t be scared.” Except she should be scared, not just of the Hutts, but of him as well. He’d betrayed her trust and showed his colors. Would she forgive him?

Somewhere in the crowd, a bounty hunter sent a beacon to the Resistance.  
“Tell them there’s a Jedi here, but no ordinary one, it’s Kylo Ren. He’s alive.” 

-

Leo burst into the night screaming for air like he’d held his breath for the last hour. People walked past him as he fell to his knees, assuming he’d drank too much. Now he’d have to get his grandma off the planet. But could he even trust Ben? If what the trooper said was true, Ben was a part of the First Order or worse. But he didn’t have a choice now. 

-

Ben and the stormtroopers made it to Anchorhead near sunrise. It was just as depressing as Mos Eisley. But far fewer transients except for the two escaped convicts he was sent to dispatch. 

“What do they look like?” Ben muttered.  
“Human male and female, olive skin, one with black hair and one with blonde.” The trooper said gruffly. Suffice to say, that wasn’t a very good description. At that point, the townspeople had started to set up shop for the day. They drew back from Ben and the troops. Similar fear he’d get on the Finalizer. 

Ben took a deep breath and felt out into the Force. Feeling beyond the background hum to listen for irregularities. The concentration made the dust standstill in the air. He saw the tiniest flash of the Hutts. He tracked the energy around several corners, losing the troopers for a moment. He could sense their thoughts, they thought he was crazy and that they’d probably just kill him. 

Ben came to a final curve, just garbage and some beggars. A dead end. 

“Spare change, sir?” One of the beggars mumbled from underneath a woolen blanket. Ben then saw the flash of the Hutt jail.

“You!” Ben pulled the man to the filthy wall. The blanket fell revealing the two of them. Both badly sunburnt and scraped up. 

“Please no! Stop!” The woman shrieked as she pried Ben’s arm in vain. 

“N-Noro sent you.” The man gasped. He and the woman wore nothing but stitched together rags. They both reeked.  
“Please, please, w-we’re just trying to escape…”  
“Escape your punishment.” Ben pressed him harder. Was he worthy enough to be their judge, jury, and executioner?

“No-no, we... we were slaves.” The man coughed hoarsely. “My my my wife is pregnant.” He struggled to point at the woman who was still pleading. Ben looked to see her round belly.  
“They tried to make her lose it, but now they planned to sell it.” 

Ben loosened his grip and the man held still against the wall. Ben hovered his hand inches from the man’s face. The man felt an awful pressure and bass hum in his mind.

Ben searches the doors of his mind as he’d done in countless interrogations. He saw the woman being beaten by Noro’s minions. Her screams echoed in his ear. He pulled back, shaking. 

“Please.” The man begged.  
The troopers came around the corner and stood behind Ben. The woman began to sob and cower. 

“That’s them,” one said. “Finish the job.”  
“I’m sorry,” Ben whispered. The couple turned their faces away to brace for what came next.  
“I said, I’m sorry!” Ben snapped, as he did he ignited his saber and cut down the troopers in one fell swoop. 

The couple slowly opened their eyes to see Ben standing over the smoldering armored bodies.  
“You knew how to escape without being seen, do you know how to get in without being seen?” Ben turned to them. 

“Y-yes.”  
“Show me.” 

-

The man’s name was Bard and the woman was named Mari. They were both from Takodana and were kidnapped by the First Order for their child to be used as a stormtrooper, but when the Final Order fell, the officers sold them to the Hutts. 

When they reached the place they waited till night to sneak their way in. Moving past the guards one by one, hiding behind rocks. 

“This way.” Bard waved them to a sewage drain. The soil surrounding it was stained and stunk. Ben and Bard pulled the grate out and made their way inside. Bard held tightly to his wife, both trying to breathe through their mouths. Not even dead bodies smelled this bad. The liquid was thankfully shallow. 

“This way,” Bard led them down another corridor. The walls all dripped and oozed. That sound became mingled with faint voices, growing louder. They slowly pushed the manhole cover in the dungeon. Bard crawled out first, suddenly a prisoner shouted.

“Hey! Hey!”  
Ben rushed to the surface and caused the man to pass out with a silent finger snap. Bard stood shocked until Ben tugged on him to keep going.

“Who are you?” He tugged back.  
“Doesn’t matter.”  
“I think it does since we’ve unwillingly put all our cards with you.” Bard held still. “You made that man go out cold with a twitch of your hand.”

“Bard, c’mon. We can talk later.” Mari hushed him. “Mari, I’ve seen it before, we both did remember?” 

They were trying Ben’s patience. “You can trust that I’ll get us out and your ability to guide me will decide if there will be bloodshed.” 

“This way.” Bard gulped. They rounded another dark corner where they saw a guard droid typing. Mari stepped wrong on the gravelly floor causing a cracking noise. The droid tilted its bright eyes up. 

“Intrud-“ the droid’s eyes went red as he called out but Ben finished him off with a blaster. He turned to Bard.

“Up those stairs.” Bard pointed. 

-

(Meanwhile on Ajan Kloss) 

Finn carefully rested the naked crystal on a cotton mat. Surrounding it were bits of stormtrooper armor and a chunk of metal from the Falcon. This would be a tricky puzzle. Rey had left him alone for this sacred and private moment. His nerves were killing him. 

He’d brought a lantern of fireflies into the hut, he released them to dim the light. They flew lazily around him. 

He hovered his hand above the bluish crystal. It began to glow like the fireflies. He pinpointed all his energy into the crystal. It began to flicker into a new color. It became a mature green that sparkled above his palm. It bathed him in pale green light. It remained in the air as he used the Force to summon the hilt pieces to fuse. 

The armor and the metal pressed together in a bubbling pattern. Like a miraculous painting of white and black, forming the metal around the crystal and encrusting the tip of the hilt. The finished product floated gently into Finn’s hands.  
He scurried out of the hut to show Rey. 

“I don’t know if it works yet, but look at it.” Finn let her examine it.  
“It’s perfect, Finn.” 

Finn held his breath to ignite the blade. A brilliant bluish-green hum of light. 

“Now we can really train.” Rey races in front of him to ignite her own saber. Finn gave her a mischievous smile and went after her. 

Rey relished in their duel, their fun. She was worried that it would be their last time as close friends. Before he learns her betrayal. She shuddered and battled on till her lungs hurt.

“Tired already?” Finn teased.  
“Still not feeling well… I don’t know when I will be better.” 

-

(Back on Tatooine) 

After creeping into the upper mezzanine of the throne room, the small group worked their way down past the sleeping and drunk partiers. There was a series of rooms in the halls behind the throne. Ben felt the presence of each room before feeling Beka. The room was pitch black and the floor littered with garbage. Ben saw Beka curled up against a pillar on a dirty mattress. Her tiny wrists bruised from the shackles. 

Bard and Mari stood lookout in the throne room. They didn’t see someone follow after Ben. 

Her mind was a painful static. Her fear punctuated the air. Ben barely touched her back when her eyes opened. They grew wide and her mouth opened in a silent scream. Ben felt the hair on his neck stand up and he flipped around just as Beka’s scream became audible. The blue twi’lek plunged a jagged dagger at him, burrowing into his shoulder muscle. A crude tool. Ben was able to catch his second plunge inches from his chest. Beka was sobbing and shouting but her voices sounded so far away. 

Ben overpowered him and sent him into the ground. Glass was crushed beneath him. He then turned his attention to Beka. Those chains would have to be cut. He pulled out the lightsaber, the buzz would’ve woken everyone up if the scuffle didn’t. The twi’lek was groaning as Ben sliced through Beka’s chains. She glommed tightly to him. Kylo Ren was better than the Hutts. 

He carried her through the hall with his saber lighting their way. 

“Ahhh!” The twi’lek came bounding down the hall with the blade. Ben sat Beka against the wall. “Cover your eyes.” He instructed her through her mind. She sheepishly did so. 

Ben took a defensive stance as the twi’lek closed in. The beast made one good plunge before his whole arm was seared off by the saber. He screamed as the wound simultaneously cauterized and his robe burned. He fell down screaming in agony. Ben scooped Beka up and made a break for the throne room. 

Out of the darkness, a burst of light. Bard and Mari were being dragged to Noro by Gammorreans. Beka buried her face into his shoulder. 

“Ben Solo, Kylo Ren, treacherous fool.” Noro’s words would long and sloppy as he spoke basic.  
“I brought you them, didn’t I?” Ben kept his saber between him and Noro. Mari shrieked as the gamorreans pressed her and Bard onto the floor. All the partiers had fled before Ben and Beka came. 

“I asked for them dead,” Noro grunted. Another gamorrean came with a heavy ax.  
“And you killed my men.” 

“They got in my way.” Ben hissed. He tried to watch Noro and the couple at the same time. His shoulder burned from the stab wound. Noro laughed triumphantly. Ben closed his eyes and wrapped an invisible hand around the neck of the executioner. He fell backward, letting the ax fall through his stomach. After seeing this, the other beast left frantically. 

Noro erupted with anger.  
“My father is a fool who can’t help you now!” Rotta was nowhere to be seen. 

“Take her!” Ben shouted to Bard who immediately grabbed Beka. He hoped he’d bought them time to escape. 

Ben tore off his cloak and cemented his feet to the ground, raising the saber. 

“Only the women of your kind are worthy of our lust, but maybe one of us will want you. Son of Leia Organa.” He gurgled. 

Noro had hurt her, he could feel it. His rage erupted and he leaped towards the foul creature. He pulled the blade behind his head then thrust it forward into the beastly, rotten skull of Noro. Noro could barely scream, only gasp as brain matter and blood oozed down his body. Despite killing him, Ben felt that anger again as it flooded his soul, his slashed the face and body of the slug till it steamed and bubbled. All he could do was scream. 

He heard the echoing footsteps of stormtroopers, when he turned to them, face splattered with blood, they ran back from whence they came. Ben controlled his breath and painfully walked out of the palace. 

When he came out he heard Beka scream out, “Ben lookout!” 

The second he turned a bounty hunter lunged at him from above. Ben was able to deflect the blow of his beskad. He was shocked, had Noro sent him? He must know Noro is dead?

“He’s dead! I killed that filth!” Ben shouted as they went toe to toe.  
“The Hutt didn’t send me!”  
“Who did?!” Their blades clashed together, Ben was pushing the hunter into the ground.  
“No one, I figured the infamous Kylo Ren would fetch a pretty penny with the Resistance.” He grunted. He couldn’t hold on anymore, he let Ben fall on him. Through this, Ben sliced the hunter in two. 

He turned to the couple who held tightly to Beka. They were taken back by his bloody appearance. Beka turned away. 

“Not a step closer.” Mari seethed.  
“Beka-“  
“You’re Kylo Ren, I know you. I remember fleeing from you all when you came to Takodana.” Bard pointed. Beka had only heard whispers about Kylo, just from her friends that used it to scare each other. She didn’t think he really existed. 

“I wanna go home!” Beka screamed.  
“You can’t, we have to leave. I’ll take you to your family, your brother, and grandmother.” Ben made one step forward. 

“None of us can stay here. We need to go. I know where to take us.”

“Why should we trust you?” Bard questioned. His heart beating out of his chest.  
“I don’t have the answer to that, I’m still figuring that out, but I’m the only one who can get you to safety.”  
“How?”  
“I can fly us out of here, I’m sure that bounty hunter has a ship nearby.” 

What other choice did they have?

-

Rey went to her usual meditation spot after dinner and Finn went to hang out with Poe in the hanger while he tuned his x-wing. BB8 chased DO around in circles. It was nice and peaceful until an alert came from the communication station. 

“This came from a bounty hunter on Tatooine,” Connix showed Poe the transcript then handed it to Finn.  
“I mean it’s from a bounty hunter who wants us to pay him so it could be fake.” Connix urged.  
“It’s not.” Finn growled. “I need to see Rey.” 

-

Rey was levitating with rocks when she heard the thunder of a rickety ship come from the sky. An unfamiliar ship came tumbling to the landing strip. She jumped out of her position, holding tightly to her saber as she sped to the camp. 

Finn and Poe also approached the ship, blaster and saber drawn. The ship hissed open as it touched down. Finn was expecting it to be Ren but only a boy and an old woman appeared in the steam. The boy held up his hands.

“Don’t shoot! We’re not armed! We need help!” 

Rey came running just as the group lowered their weapons.  
“Where are you from? Why are you here?” Poe kept steady. 

“Ben Solo sent us if that’s even his real name.” Leo helped his grandmother to the safe ground. The ship was inches from falling apart. “He went to get my sister, I hope he got her.” Leo sighed. 

“General!” Connix came running to them again, followed by Rose and Jannah. “There’s been an attack on the Hutts of Tatooine. This could be bad.” Connix rushed over. “They said a witch did it, a witch killed Noro the Hutt.”

Finn turned to Rey. 

“There’s something I need to tell you, Finn.” Rey’s heart dropped. What have you done Ben?


End file.
